This is Dawn's birthday!

My good friend Dawn turned something-something today, so of course we ha to celebrate in style! Charissa and I took her to see Wicked in Indy! It was AH-MAZING. Just incredible. So fun, too, to finally check something off the bucket list! 

Yes, that poster is signed by the entire cast! They gave out incentives for donations to charity!

I actually look kinda good in this one!

Sitting and waiting for the show to start!

A pic of the initial setup...I was a good girl and didn't use any photo/video during the production, even though I REALLY wanted to! :)

Afterwards, we went with my mom to see Frozen. Oh. My. Word. If you haven't seen it yet, do it! It is officially my favorite Disney movie yet. And that's saying something! I can't get "Let it Go" out of my head. It may be my new theme song! Also, a historic movie for me: first one I ever saw in 3D AND the first one I saw twice in the theater. :)

Aaaaaand, of course, we watched an episode of Lois and Clark to wind down the slumber party before we passed out. :)

This is pure nostalgia for me. Seriously!

Hope you enjoyed your birthday, Dawn! I know I did!

This is the day Paul would have been 29.

Six years ago today, I went on a casual date with a friend for his birthday.  We went to Fazoli's on campus (mostly for the free breadsticks!) and then I watched him snuggle face-first with cats he was allergic to at some friends' house. I thought to myself, What a strange, but light-hearted, kid.  I had no idea that the just-beginning-friendship of that autumn would soon burgeon into a full-blown romance, engagement, and marriage.  I had no inkling of the sadness we'd face together, whether over family happenings, job loss and financial difficulties, health on both accounts, or infertility.  I had no comprehension of the simple or profound joys that he would introduce me to--the world of science fiction, the love of puppies, traveling the country together, the wonders of marital bliss in the moments we could find them, the satisfaction of working and serving alongside one another in just about everything, the peace of a quiet night at home in our PJs.  I had no idea I'd found my better half, and I don't mean that he was better in every way than me (although that is almost true).  I mean that he complemented me, brought out my best, made up for my worst, encouraged me in every good and creative thing, and taught me more about what true love is by his own actions and even just the look in his eyes than any sermon anyone could ever preach. He was my biggest fan, my eternal love, and my very best friend in all the world.

I took him for granted.

It happens.

And now that we're separated by the veil, I have learned and felt and known a few things that I don't know how to share with you but that I want so desperately to share all the same in my own pitiful words that will sound so very trite but are the essence of all that I know and feel right now.

Life is precious.
The gospel of Jesus Christ, as restored in the latter-days, is true.  The Plan of Happiness is real.  SO REAL.
4 years of marriage or 40, it wouldn't have been enough time.
Prayers are truly heard by our Heavenly Father. Especially when it happens in big numbers for "the one" that has wandered.
People are wonderful and caring and kind, sometimes even to random strangers.
The Lord knew this would happen, and He prepared us both as much as He could for this moment in time.
I am okay.
Grief is not a decrescendo.
I have work to do!
I am not alone.

Seven weeks have passed since he passed through the veil and "returned home to that God who gave him life." I can't believe it's been that long.  I can't believe it's been that short.  Time, memory, these things escape me constantly. I have work and my church calling with our upcoming primary program and work and wonderful friends and family and puppies and hobbies and WORK to keep me busy. I try to focus on the positive things, the miracles and tender mercies of the Lord that have gotten me through it, the power of being sustained literally by hosts of angels on both sides of the veil. I try not to get *too* caught up in the new fears that come with living alone in a new house, or the sadness when I look at the clock and expect him to come walking through the door after a long day's work, then realize it's just not going to happen. Ever. Again. I pray and ponder to try to find out why I'm still here, why he couldn't just take me with him--what my purpose is, what I really want to accomplish--so that when it's my turn to join him I feel ready.  I want to leave a legacy of love and service and happiness and faith, as he did.  So I try to live worthy of him every day.  What would Paul do?

Meanwhile, I'm back here in the waiting place. I'm not waiting anymore for the children that will never be ours. I'm not waiting for that dream job or that perfect day or any of our several planned travels together that will never be. Now I just wait for the day when the promise of our temple marriage, our eternal sealing, will be fulfilled, when we will never again be separated from one another or from the God we both love and serve. I wait for those perfect bodies that will be ours forever, for the restoration of all good things one hundredfold as He has promised to the grieving and bereaved.

More than that, though, I am waiting on the Lord. Not waiting around. Waiting--serving, trusting, hoping, acting, emulating in my own small and unremarkable way that will never measure up to His example no matter how hard I try. Waiting for Him to rescue me, as my faith in His Atonement assures, from all sin, grief, weakness, and longing of mortality.

This kind of waiting is a peaceful, happy, busy thing.  

But today, I miss him extra.

I love you, Paul. Thanks for being my everything. Thanks for living so we had no regrets. Thanks for making so many things work out and taking care of me even after you've gone. I wouldn't have traded a single second of it.

Happy birthday, love.

Easy Flower Pot Cupcakes!

These are some of the easiest (but not cheapest!) cupcakes you will ever do. Perfect for bridal shower, garden/spring parties, or girlie girl birthdays, these easy flower pot cupcakes will have everyone super impressed...without you having to do much work at all!

You will need:
*cake mix and ingredients/materials to make it into cupcakes
*chocolate frosting
*small, cupcake-sized flower pots
*Dollar Store flowers and wire cutters
*One package Oreos
*candles (optional)

1. Bake your cupcakes as you normally would.
2. After they've cooled, stick them (paper and all) into washed and dried mini flower pots.
3. Dollop a small bit of chocolate frosting on each one and use the back of a spoon to spread over whole cupcake.
4. Pulse or smash Oreos until dirt-like, then spoon and press into frosting.
5. Cut each flower stem about 3-4 inches and stick one flower in each pot. Can reserve one cupcake for candles if desired.
6. Enjoy! Take out the flower and use a knife to pop out the cupcakes before eating to ensure food safety and that no one digs their fork into the paper! :)

Much easier than pre-treating the pots to bake in or making it all from fondant! And everyone gets a pot and a flower as a keepsake! :)

Thankful, Day 16

Today, I'm thankful for CELEBRATIONS!  I love having a chance to pause life (somewhat) and just celebrate the good and exciting things happening.  My roommates and I used to throw a party for just about everything!  I miss that.  Today, I got to celebrate with not one but TWO special little girls, each celebrating an 8th birthday this weekend.  And I get to celebrate special moments with each of them again tomorrow!  I'm so excited (but not as excited as they are, of course!).

The first little girl, So-and-So as I like to refer to her in cyberspace, is 8 TODAY!  She's the little girl I work with at school.  She brightened everyone's day today by singing happy birthday to herself and telling everyone she was now 80.  :)  Her eyes lit up and I think she was actually a little overwhelmed by all the attention today as birthday banners and balloons, bags and buttons, stickers and pins and hats were all around us today.  She teaches me SO MUCH about life and celebrating the small things, and tomorrow she will be baptized too!  I can't wait to be a part of her special day and see how TANGIBLE the changes she makes in all of our lives will be on everyone's faces.  I think it'll be standing room only!

The only way I could get her to stay still was to have her sing happy birthday to herself.  This face, her singing face, is one I know well!

The second little girl, Caida, is my niece, and we will be celebrating all weekend long!  Tonight Paul and I got all dolled up and took her to "dinner and the theater!"  Our civic youth theater put on a production of Lily's Purple Plastic Purse, so we took her to "'da OG" (Olive Garden, her favorite) and then out on the town.  I don't know for sure, but I think it was her first time ever watching a live play.  SO FUN!  I love being there for firsts and I know it was a special evening *I* will always treasure.  (We also got her the book and a plush toy so she will have something to remember the evening by, as well. :)  Tomorrow we'll celebrate with friends at Chuck E. Cheese, and Sunday I'm bringing pretty cupcakes over to her home for a family gathering. 

Sassy!

Smiling with a mouthful of popcorn...maybe not the best move.  But she had a blast, really.  :)

I love being a part of each of these sweet girls' lives, and all the things they teach me about health, patience, love, forgiveness, work, and family.  I am thankful to celebrate with them and take a piece of their innocence and goodness with me!

Paul's 28th Birthday Week!

It was more low-key than I'd have liked some days, but here goes anyway.  :)

Saturday (Day 1): A medicine dispenser filled with candy and a little love note to open each day of his birthday week.  The note also included a little clue or note about that day's gift/activity.

Sunday (Day 2): Found these goofy but AWESOME bottle opener sunglasses on sale.  The note said something about how our love was so bright and he was my sunshine, all that jazz.  :) 

Monday (Day 3): Balloon Truth-or-Dare for FHE. 

Tuesday (Day 4): 28 kisses (with 28 reasons I love him on the back of them) in an envelope.  See below for "instructions."

First, pucker up and put on the brightest red lipstick you can find.

Kiss that paper as many times as you desire.  I liked it when I did 2 kisses per lipstick application, because it gave a more varied color.  I got SO INSPIRED as I was doing this for some awesome Valentines art/project ideas!

On the back of each kiss, write something you love about them!

Cut them out.  And, if you are crazy like me, laminate.  Not only are they sturdier BUT they keep the lipstick from smearing everywhere afterwards...which is always good. 

Wednesday (Day 5): Nerf gun fight!  (Note to self, wet shoes on a wet tile floor=NOT a good fighting ground.)

Thursday (Day 6 and actual birthday!): sock bouquet.  Tutorial HERE.  I modified it a little by using army men as vase filler and it was a BIG HIT.  Boys.  :)

My fabulous dinner at Bistro 501.

Paul's duck.

When we came home and I showed him the sock bouquet, he immediately set to building a fort and creating a whole battle scene.  :)

I went to the bathroom, and when I came out this is how I found him.  :)

 (I'll have a separate post just about this...it was SO FUN!)

Of course, then we got out the nerf dart guns and cut down each other's forces.  :)

Our awesome friends and old neighbors made Paul birthday cupcakes, so he didn't go without cake after all.  Thanks, Walkers!  And he ate some late-night ramen, so he got his long noodles in, too.  :)

Day 7 and final: We were going to have our family pics taken at a nearby park.  It rained all day.  Had to postpone.  Which was okay because we still will have them done SOMETIME and we got to go to our ward's chili cookoff and get fed for practically free.  But we ate too much, and we were both so tired and sore that we ended up skipping the other thing we were going to do (local improv comedy hour).  BUT, that's okay, too, because we can catch them after the New Year for a lot cheaper in their new location, and now we have money to hit up a corn maze/pumpkin patch sometime after I come home from Utah.  :)  SO.  Not how I planned it, but still an okay night.  What did we do instead?

Cuddling with puppies...even if they are too big to be lap dogs, they don't notice.  :)

Called up Paul's folks...

...worked on our target practice...

...and went to bed before 10.  Well, *I* did, anyway. :) Pretty good end to another birthday week.  I sure do love you, Paul!  Thanks for being a great husband, and happy 28th!

Mom's Bday and other catch-up. :)

Birthdays tend to happen in groups in our family.  Charissa (my sister) and Mom celebrate 8 days apart, and my step-mom is the week after that, so I always get REALLY caked out around this time of year.  (And in January, where my dad and little brother are 3 days apart...and again in March, with three sisters and I all having our birthdays a week apart from each other...)

ANYWHO.  I've also lost the passion for cute cake making.  I'm going for delicious these days, maybe because I don't eat sweets as much so I really want it to be worth it!  I'm sure someday I'll get back into fun cakes again, but...times and seasons, friends.  :)  So here's the German chocolate cake (my mom's favorite) I made:

And here is the festivities: balloon throwing in Mom's and Charissa's new living room.  It was a low-key birthday, with pizza and cake and balloons and tired people.  :)  But it was still nice.  Happy birthday, Mom!

I haven't been in the mood to blog.  I've been a little down about the job thing (yup, no teaching job for me right now), and it has brought up a lot of hard feelings and kept me from feeling much motivation at ALL this week.  Other than dishes, I've done NO CLEANING all week!  I got a little more LEGO crafting done for my someday classroom on Monday, but between needing more money to finish them and the sad truth that they won't be put to good use anytime soon, well...lost my mojo.  I've caught up on some TV shows I hadn't been watching all summer, taken the dogs on some longer walks than usual, and just generally been a bummer to be around.  Pity party, complete with violins.  Not pretty. 

NO MORE!  I have struggled harder than usual even to find peace with this and so many other things in my life I don't like and feel powerless to change, but the last few days have been very odd and I've found the beginnings of a tranquility I can't totally explain.  I'm not completely there yet, but it's taking root more and more each day, and the thought keeps coming to mind that it's going to be okay, this is just a MOMENT and the Lord's plan for me is so much more than this moment.  Maybe I'm just meant to do something else right now (even though I prayed and thought long and hard about it and felt led in this direction...but that's the way it is sometimes).  Part of me is almost excited to figure out what that something else is with the Lord.  And I keep thinking back to other major life disappointments and remembering the things I learned from those moments, the strength and perspective I gained, and that most of them DID END WELL.  I'm grateful to have those solid, happy moments to dwell on, and to know that life is a roller coaster--the downs are always followed by big UPs, and sometimes even the falling can be a thrill.  (Not for me, though...I actually hate roller coasters...but still. :)

So...maybe tomorrow is the day I will feel the cleaning and the crafting and the photo-taking bug again.  Or maybe not.  But I will get there.  I'll try not to keep you waiting too long.  ;)

A few other pictures of my life right now:

I've had banana ice cream or banana/peanut butter milk shakes like every day.  YUM.

Stinkin' cute puppies.  I love that Voodoo still follows Obi around everywhere and copies even her body language.  :)

Found the most amazing ever FREE font to use in my someday-classroom: LEGOTHICK!  Outlined in yellow and put on a red background, it looks SO GOOD, don't you think?  :)  I'll have to post the final products of these two signs soon.  :)

Filled in for activity days last week.  The cute girls learned some babysitting-appropriate games to play...here they are blowing a cotton ball from one side of the room to the other.  So fun!

Charissa's 28th Birthday!

I didn't take many pictures of the party, but I got LOTS of pictures of the cake.  Go figure.  :)

The inspiration...super easy, in concept!  Round cake (layered), frosted slightly, stick pairs of kit kats around it, dump some M&Ms in the middle, and use a cute ribbon to tie it all together.  VERY quick cake.  :)

The chocolate-free version (Charissa doesn't eat chocolate...so I had to use white kit kats & reese's pieces)

The table spread

Blowing out the candles!

They're a little tricksy...not *quite* trick candles, but they may as well have been.

Hopefully her present will come soon and I can show you what it was.
I can't believe my LITTLE sister is 28!  I'm really getting older, aren't I?  :)

UPDATE 7/31:
Her present came in.  It only took about 45 minutes to install everything.  :)  Thankfully, she LOVED it!