Progression of a Puzzle

I'm not really a puzzle person.

 

But it's winter and we needed a few fun things to do besides just have the TV on all night long.

 

So I bought a challenging 1000-piece puzzle (challenging because it was all black and white puppies).

 

Here's how the months of January and February went down:

Sometime around here we caught Obi sneaking puzzle pieces when we weren't in the room with her...finally figuring out just what had happened to those two edge pieces (not to mention ALL the other pieces we couldn't seem to find...)

And around here is where I was able to do the math...51 pieces, to be exact.

As finished as it will ever be.  :)

Ah, the joys of puppies.  :)

Weight Watchers, week 1

Apparently I'm in a blogging mood today.  :)

So, I've officially gone through 7 days of Weight Watchers.  Not gonna lie, it's been hard.  I didn't realize how much I ate before--especially JUNK.  It didn't seem like much until I couldn't do it anymore.  Tracking my every bite has been a wonderful challenge, and it has kept me accountable to myself more.  I've already started to enjoy smaller portions and not feeling full all the time, which is the beginning of a paradigm shift for sure!  And I love the apps that aid you--another post on that to come!

Anyway, I'm not starving.  Here are some of the yummy things I've enjoyed this week:

Tuna salad in cucumber cups (6 Points)

LOADS of fresh fruit salads--0 points, quick and easy side to any meal!

Not pictured, but worth mentioning: Eating out, SMART, at O'Charley's and Papa Murphy's for Valentine's.  Southwestern Salad.  Beef Ginger Stir Fry.  Apple Thyme Chicken.  Homemade Veggie Soup (DELISH).  Marie Calendar casseroles for the nights that are just too busy to cook.  And discovering Fiber One 90 Calorie Brownies and Special K Chocolatey Delight.  :)  Popcorn, chocolate milk, lots of fresh fruits and veggies and almonds "fill in" any extra points I have each day. I still snuck in a whole box of chocolates, and I lost 4 pounds, give or take 2.  So I'd say week 1 was a success!  Here's hoping Week 2 is even better!  I'll post some recipes and the like soon and link it all up, as well as give out any tips or tricks I find that help make my weight loss goals easier.  :)  It's not gonna be a regular segment or anything, but I'm always looking out for healthier recipes and, as you know by now, I like to share.  :)

Apparently I'm not finished thinking yet. :)

I love being Mormon.  I do.  I believe the gospel it in its *entirety.*  I focus my life on it.  I mourn my family and friends who have lost the influence of the goodness of the gospel of Christ as restored and revealed to modern-day prophets, through modern-day scripture. 

But I understand sometimes why people leave.  People are people, and Mormons are no exception. 

One thing that has recently bothered me, not about our doctrine but about our CULTURE, is that as Mormons we put a lot of focus on WORKS.  And works are important.  FOR SURE!!!  The commandments, ancient and modern, are meant to bring us peace and progression.  Numerous scriptures, quotes from general authorities, even secular theories tout the importance of building good habits and living a good life.  I firmly believe that actions speak louder than words, that living righteously makes us worthy of the Spirit and revelation that follows, that you can't have a solid democracy/republic without the virtue of its citizens, and that hyposcrisy, contention, drugs, laziness, etc. are of the devil. 

The problem is not in teaching righteousness, but in teaching it separately and compartmentalized from the Atonement.  I know this is a main factor in most of my family leaving the Church.  We focus an awful lot on our duty to the law--the Word of Wisdom, the Law of Chastity, For the Strength of Youth standards, tithing, and a million other laws to follow and things to avoid because, let's face it, that's what we can CONTROL.  And we have to teach these things, by word and example.  But all of these things are appendages to the gospel, not the gospel itself.  BEING GOOD PEOPLE IS NOT THE GOOD NEWS!  The good news should MAKE you a good person.  Sometimes I feel like we teach these things backwards, like "after all we can do" comes BEFORE the "it is by grace that we are saved" part.  Does that make sense?

This makes me remember something else I read earlier this week, an article by someone of another faith. (You can read the whole thing HERE) who was pondering the reasons kids leave church, even for a short while.  The whole thing is great, even if we have different faiths we agree on one thing: the doctrine of CHRIST MUST be at the center.  Forgive me, I am just going to quote some of my favorite parts because he says exactly what I've been thinking much better than I ever could:

"The evangelical church isn’t catechizing or teaching our kids the fundamentals of the faith, we’re simply encouraging them to “be nice” and “love Jesus”. (Insert any other "doing" law here.)  When they leave home, they realize that they can be “spiritually fulfilled” and get the same subjective self-improvement principles (and warm-fuzzies) from the latest life-coach or from spending time with friends or volunteering at a shelter. And they can be truly authentic, and they jump at the chance because…

They can’t do it. They know it. All that “be nice” moralism they’ve been taught? The bible has a word for it: Law. And that’s what we’ve fed them, undiluted, since we dropped them off at the Noah’s Ark playland: Do/Don’t Do. As they get older it becomes “Good Kids do/don’t” and as adults “Do this for a better life”. The gospel appears briefly as another “do” to “get saved.” But their diet is Law, and scripture tells us that the law condemns us. So that smiling, upbeat “Love God and Love People” vision statement? Yeah, you’ve just condemned the youth with it. Nice, huh? They either think that they’re “good people” since they don’t “do” any of the stuff their denomination teaches against (drink, smoke, dance, watch R rated movies), or they realize that they don’t meet Jesus own words of what is required. There’s no rest in this law, only a treadmill of works they know they aren’t able to meet. So, either way, they walk away from the church because…

Our kids are smart. They picked up on the message we unwittingly taught. If church is simply a place to learn life-application principals to achieve a better life in community… you don’t need a crucified Jesus for that...As we jettisoned the gospel, our students are never hit with the full impact of the law, their sin before God, and their desperate need for the atoning work of Christ. Now THAT is relevant, THAT is authentic, and THAT is something the world cannot offer."

Something to think about as we teach our children, our primary and youth classes, our wards...are you putting it all into perspective of the PLAN OF SALVATION?  Is Christ REALLY at the center of your lessons, your lives, or is He only in words?  Because if not, you are treading dangerous, exhausting waters.  In my humble opinion.

Thank goodness for a Heavenly Father who stands ready as our lifeguard, every moment!  And the Savior is the lifesaver He throws to us.  We can tread water and swim like pros, set our course and do our best, but it won't get us out of the water.  "He, Only One" can do that for us--and, in fact, He already has and continues to do so every day we let Him.

Just a quick something that I learned today...

We had a particularly awesome sacrament meeting today.  A friend of mine got up and gave one of the most honest, humbling talks I may have ever heard.  And I don't even remember most of it.  But the point was this:

The gospel doesn't always make your life HAPPIER.  But it DOES make it BETTER.

What do we do when all the little discouragments and setbacks "don't lead us to a happy, shiny ending, but instead prepare us" for the even bigger disappointments yet to come?  What if life is just plain hard, always, with only a few fleeting moments of respite in between?  Is the gospel still worth it?

This is something I have been pondering myself lately, this fact that "happier" and "better" aren't the same thing.  This idea of pleasure vs. happiness vs. joy.  The purpose of our trials, especially when you can't seem to catch a break from them.  The command to "be of good cheer."  Or even just the absence of noticeable blessings, especially if you've been praying and working for them for a long time.  And while I DO think that the perspective the gospel brings CAN bring happiness and peace in the NOW, I don't think that's the point of it.  If it is, we've ALL OF US missed the mark at some point or another and have no reason to continue.  And I know from experience that it's not always true that living righteously brings happiness in this life.  The point is that even if NOT, the gospel is still true.  The GOOD NEWS is still TRUE!  We have a Savior that succors us, that walks through these things with us.  He has suffered for our sins and made salvation possible.  We suffer to learn and grow.  You can't really learn and grow WITHOUT suffering and sacrificing (at least a little).  Especially when it comes to things of the Spirit.  We become more like the Savior when we stop trying to be happy (which is, at its core, a little selfish, even if it's necessary) and start trying to be better, to reach out to others and make THEM happier (isn't that what He did?).  Once again, that awesome talk, "But If Not," reiterates the fact that none of us are exempt from this thing we call LIFE.  Life isn't fair.  It's not easy, it doesn't go according to plan, and even if you try really hard to be grateful and faithful, most days are just "okay" at best.  But even if we have to wait 'til the next life for everything to be settled or fair or to receive the FULNESS of joy, the gospel is still worth knowing and living.  Because we're trying to become GODLY. 

That is a pretty lofty goal, don't you think? 

My Valentine's Day, in Pictures

Found these at Aldi for $5!  Who says you can't give a MAN flowers, too?

Attempted drying strawberry hearts on Valentine's EVE...at least the parchment paper turned out cute! :)

Woke up in the morning to find THIS!

It's a BEAST.  :)  Filled with snippets of our first date, a two-week-long private Facebook event ('cause we'd started dating during finals week and couldn't find time to see each other).

Also, this. Hilariously scandalous name, but OH-SO-COMFY.  I have worn them every day since!

This is what I got for him--found a seller on Etsy who made them.  Yes, those ARE Pride and Prejudice Cufflinks!

A surprise visit by my student and her mom--they brought me flowers, chocolates, and a sweet card she wrote herself!

Proof that the iris DID bloom that night.  :)

The days after holidays are my favorites, because everything is ON SALE!  These adorable stuffed animals were $2.50/piece at Aldi.  Perfect.

Love my hot booties!  ;)  I'm wearing them even as we speak. 

Not pictured: fancy schmancy dinner out (O'Charley's) and getting to sleep early!  Woohoo!

Who's ready for a Friday? THIS GIRL!

Quick lil' blog post:

I feel like this week has lasted about a thousand years.  I feel like I could slip into silent slumber for about a thousand more.  It has been a trying week, emotionally and physically, at the school in which I work, and I think everyone around me feels just about the same way.  :) 

• The flu is going around--and kids are germy enough on their own, but when you add special needs into the mix, germs spread like wildfire! 
• I've been fighting off germs of my OWN.  Especially a little dizziness, which makes reading and crafting and watching TV (my usual passtimes) especially unappealing.
• Several teachers have had life-altering crises this week, including the teacher in whose classroom I spend my mornings. We are a tight community and it has been a wonderfully exhausting week of many prayers and miracles, but also of much worrying in between.  And worrying really does wear you out.
• I've been dropping little "surprises" in my birthday buddy's mailbox every day.  This may not seem like a big deal to some but when it's out of your comfort zone and you don't really know the person, it can be exhausting to find things to give each day!
• I've been battling dozens of children who are tired of sitting inside all day (has this winter been EXTRA COLD or is it just me?), sick as a dog (but not a fever or throwing up so they can still come to school), and just incredibly unmotivated to listen to a word any of us "know-nothing grown-ups" say.  I can handle sadness, cluelessness, etc., but flat-out defiance?  Not my favorite thing.  I may have snapped at more than one child this week.
• The teacher I work with in the afternoons had her official observation this week--but I felt like it was a third my own!  The principal came in for about an hour and just went back and forth between watching her and watching me (which could be a good thing since I'm hoping to score a teaching job next year?).  "The Beach" is a fun but stressful place to work at all the time anyway, but this week with evaluations and ISTEP+ and sickness and starting to think about NEXT year in serious terms it has just been a little extra rough.
• My own to-do list has grown EXPONENTIALLY this week, and my motivation these days is inversely proportionate to the length of my to-do list. 

I've even been eating relatively decently, taking my vitamins, drinking plenty of water, and trying to get 8+ hours of sleep at night, but I am still SO TIRED.

The truth is, I am weary.  Which is worse than tired.

I am weary of contention, in all its forms.  I am weary of worrying about what other people think, and just as weary of my own regrets and the consequences when I swing the pendulum to the other side and stop caring altogether about what other people think!  I am weary of routine, as much as I need it.  I am weary of anything that breaks me out of that routine.  I am weary of negativity and sadness and overthinking everything to the point of exhaustion.  I'm weary of pregnancy (not my own, just everyone around me--I'm weary of baby talk!!!).  I'm just incredibly weary of the world right now, and don't really feel like I've found my place in it--and I feel like I SHOULD have by now, as I am almost 30 and still feel like my "real life" hasn't even begun.  I am especially weary of hearing myself say that over and over these last few years--like a broken record that I don't even like but I don't know how to just STOP LISTENING.

I wonder when you feel like a grown-up?  I was told once (half-jokingly) that you had to be 28 before anyone took you seriously as an adult, but I'm past that and still don't even take MYSELF seriously.  Or maybe I take myself TOO seriously.  I don't know.  This is not the life I had envisioned for myself, AT ALL, but it has been absolutely marvelous and a total adventure nonetheless and I don't have a right to complain even for a second. 

Miracles happen, they really do.  I feel incredibly blessed lately to have witnessed several of them, this week and last alone.  I LOVE my job, even if it is trying.  I can't imagine doing anything else right now.  I LOVE my ward.  I might not have a LOT of friends, but the ones I have are REAL and we have lots to celebrate.  I have a great calling in which I get to work with sweet children every week and incredible, devoted women who buoy me up with their friendship and love and validation.  We had a charity auction at our relief society meeting last night and it was SO FUN--they even brought in a professional auctioneer for the event!  I'm learning to be more grateful for the little things, and it helps.  I have seen more BIG miracles this month than the last year combined, which helps a lot, too.  And I have the most FABULOUS, relaxed husband to distract me from myself, which helps most of all. 

But if I happen to sleep in almost all weekend, or start a countdown to spring break even though I have no travel plans, or if I get a little grouchy or a little less done than usual, now you know why, and I hope the people around me will be patient.  This, too, shall pass. 

A Christmas Gift

So, TWO Christmases ago, Paul got me a sweet little sewing machine.  It's not top of the line or anything, but since I am a VERY NOVICE sew-er-of-things-by-machine and struggle to make even simple projects with straight lines, it was right in that sweet spot between our budget and need.  And it's cute, which helps me love it all the more.  :)

Well, today I finally opened it up.  I know, more than a YEAR after he thoughtfully bought it for me.  The truth is, I've had many projects piling up for that year but I never felt brave enough to tackle the "big bad" sewing machine.  Until today, when that list became just one item too long and I suddenly felt like I couldn't even wait 'til the weekend to pull it out and start using it.   So I opened it.  Pulled out THE MACHINE.  Tore off the plastic and safety tapes.  Opened the bobbin holder thingy (see?  I don't even know what it's called.)  Looked at the directions.

And that's as far as I got before I felt the panic attack coming on.

I'm not exaggerating or making light of panic attacks, either.  I literally felt my breath getting short--look at all the pictures with no words!--my heart pounding in my ears--where do I put this thread, or do I even have thread to put on it?--and the walls closing in on me--but I NEED to get this done TODAY!  I don't know why, but I do...  My vision started to narrow a bit and I threw down the way-too-big-and-too-complicated-for-me-'cause-I-just-want-to-make-a-short-curtain-anyway instruction manual and walked away to breathe again before the overwhelmed-ness of it all got out of hand.

So it sits there, half-opened in the guest room, packaging everywhere, and there it will stay until someone else walks me through it.  Because the compulsive need to make something NOW has vanished and I'm just not motivated to figure it out on my own these days.  And really, that's how I learn best.  I'm not a book kinda learner, as much as I wish I was.  I'm a watch-someone-else-do-it kinda learner.  An I-need-someone-by-me-as-I-try-it-out-to-tell-me-if-I'm-doing-it-wrong kinda learner.  An I'll-pay-you-in-chocolate-or-dinner-if-you'll-help-a-sister-out kinda learner.  So I posted my request on Facebook, and while I don't have any takers yet, I'm sure I will soon.  :)

And then, BE PREPARED.  Because I will have LOTS to show off if I ever get this thing--and myself--put together!  :)

Here are my TOP projects yet-to-do that require a sewing machine:

1. Small green curtains for our DVD "shelf" under the TV.
2. Pink ruffly scarf-like thingies for the bathroom shower curtains and above the mirror.
3. Curtains and an accent pillowcase for our bedroom.
4. A quilt for the Dustins that I have had cut for a year and a half and never did get around to sewing!!!  (Better late than never???  Maybe they'll have ANOTHER boy in the next couple of years and it can go to him instead?!)
5. Matching aprons for my sister and niece(s).
6. A cute purse (I'm crocheting the outside but I want the lining to be sewn...I have no idea how to do that...it's NOT just straight lines!)
7. Felt heart banner for mantle.
8. Puppy mei tai for Voodoo so we can go bike-riding this summer without worrying about her jumping out of the basket or running between the tires.  :)

Daydreams and Passports

I am definitely looking forward to summer break.  Not that I don't love my job, but one of the *perks* of working in schools is getting my summers off to spend on things *I* want to do!  Like crafting, writing more, catching up on a million and one projects, reorganizing the home, etc.  One of the top things on our to-do list this summer is travel.  Of course, with no savings to speak of, travel has to be modified.  Thankfully, we live in Indiana, where clearly residents always wished to get out and see the world even though they were always poor farmers and couldn't travel.  How do I know this?  Look at some of our city names:

Peru
Morocco
Mexico
Lebanon
Brazil
Ireland
Scotland
Warsaw
Versailles
Manila
Mecca
Paris
Rome

Clearly the "crossroads of America" really means this is where you have to pass through to get to the good stuff.  ;)  Just kidding.  I'm actually a little in love with the idea that I could actually afford to visit all of these places in a matter of weekends and we could talk like posh people who've seen the world.

SO.  Paul and I have decided that this summer we are going to do a "staycation" of sorts and travel to each of these cities, a few at a time.  We will stamp our own fun little fake passports, and do one fun thing in each city to remember it by (if you know of anything in any of these small towns, let me know! I've gotta start researching NOW).  We'll also take a picture by the city sign as proof of our adventures and compile it all into a scrapbook.  Sounds like fun, right?  :)

If you're in Indiana this summer and you want to join in the fun, let me know! 

If you aren't, but want a fun fake passport to download and modify with relatively little hassle, there is a cute one HERE. 

You can use it for your own travels around your state, or for homeschooling purposes (read about different cultures and stamp as you go), or "Around the World in 80 Days" youth/YSA activities, or whatever your heart desires.  :)  They even have some stamps included (to print off and tape, of course) and all you have to do it print, cut, laminate (optional), and write in the details.  I love not having to reinvent the wheel!  And I can't wait for our summer staycation to begin!  Daydreaming about it is really what's keeping me going through the sometimes LONG work days.  :)

To do...and NOT to do list. :)

Here are things I *wanted* to do over my winter break but never got around to:
(1) Crochet a chevron runner for my bathroom toilet tank.
(2) Sleep in every day.  (Although I DID sleep in on a few days, and mostly I was sick when I did, I did not quite make it to every day.)
(3) Organize a "work folder" for my timecards (preprinted) and other things so it wouldn't be so crazy.
(4) Write at least two chapters of my novel.  :)
(5) Clean the chimney.
(6) Scan the pictures Sister Swartz gave me LAST SUMMER of my YW days!
(7) Give the dogs baths and cut their nails.

Here are things that were NOT on my to-do list that I *did* do instead:
(1) Get hooked on and watch all 2 seasons that are out of Downton Abbey.
(2) See "The Hobbit" in theaters.
(3) Read a novel of a friend of mine.
(4) Lots of gift card and thrift store shopping! Several new books, a new vacuum, and clothes and Starbucks goodies thanks to Christmas gifts from others.
(5) Random "Secret Santa" for a friend's sister.
(6) Throw an intimate New Year's Eve party.
(7) Find and download several digiscrap kits.

Now, to be fair, there were plenty of things ON my to-do list that DID get done, and more than just housework at that.  :)  I just think it's funny, and I wish I had another week or two off to really enjoy myself a little more AND get a few of those other things done still!  Although, I am looking forward to getting into routines, especially with my new writing and health resolutions, and there will still be most evenings free...so I can't complain.  Life is good.   

How was your break, if you got one?  :)

Book Page/Celery Stamp Art!

What do you get when you use celery, acrylic paint, an old book page, and a simple matted frame?

ART!

These pics really don't do the artworks justice--in person they are delicate, feminine, beautiful roses, and they match my bathroom perfectly.  :)