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Sunday, February 16, 2014

This is my favorite yarn ever.

Its called Parfait. Hard to find a good variety of colors around town, so I ordered some from an online vendor for the same price but with shipping. Worth every penny! Here are the colors for four new baby blankets for friends about to pop:

Girly (reminds me of neopolitan ice cream):

Boyish:

It's the same kind of soft, melt-in-your-hand, almost silky and so smooth it's almost not even there kind of yarn that I made this blanket with:


So they have some bold colors, too. And variegated yarn they call "flavors." Easier to find online than in craft stores, at least here.

Seriously, it's softer than that Bernat's baby yarn stuff! You have to feel it in its finished product to believe it. Do a double crochet stitch and you'll be amazed at how little softness it loses (my beef with most other yarn, it gets itchy when you actually make something with it!). It's my new favorite ever!

Just thought I'd share. 

This was my first Valentine's Day without Paul

And you know what? It was okay! 

I think the fact that I never loved valentine's day in the first place helped lower my expectations. Paul and I didn't make VDay as big a deal as birthdays, Christmas, and anniversaries, truthfully. So there weren't any traditions to miss, just him--which is an everyday occurrence, anyway, so...nothing new. He's always in my heart. 

I DID commemorate our eternal love by ordering our headstone that afternoon! I think it will be simple and classy and perfect for our tastes. No photos, no extra flowers and junk, just the basics in classic lines and white-on-polished-black, with "Called to Serve" inscribed on the back. Maybe it's not romantic in the traditional sense, but it IS a declaration of my undying love for him all the same. And it felt really good to get it done, should be in by Memorial Day!

Then, after actually cleaning some!, my BFF Lindsey came over and we started booking/planning our summer cruise. TO GREECE AND TURKEY, via VENICE!!! Which basically meant we got excited about it for a long while, ordered the tickets, and then watched New Girl and ate chocolate. :) Until 3:30 am. 

All this after the chaos of a party at school, with flowers from my dad AND a coworker (bless her heart!). 


My loot! Being a teacher has it's perks. ;)

It was a good day. People are kind and compassionate and thoughtful and good, and that helps a whole lot. 

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Salvation Through Suffering

A couple of weeks ago, I gave a talk in sacrament meeting entitled "Salvation Through Suffering."  I'm finally getting around to posting. Thanks for reading. :)

Celeste’s Talk January 26, 2014
Salvation Through Suffering

The Plan of Salvation is often known by several other names.  The Plan of Happiness.  The Plan of Righteousness. The Plan of Mercy.  Those words I understand, but there is one title that has always mystified me a little, and that is the Plan of Redemption. I knew that you could redeem a coupon for free ice cream at Cold Stone.  I knew that a bad argument could be redeemed by one really great point.  I’d heard of people redeeming mortgages or the government redeeming bonds.  I knew most importantly, and this is of course the real focus of my talk today, that the scriptures are replete with testimony that the Savior of mankind came to redeem His people.  So with all these many, very different usages, what does this word really mean? 
I learned these past few weeks that the word redeem has its roots in Latin and means to “buy back.”  If the Savior redeemed us, He must have bought us back from something, and back to something.  What is it?  And he bought us with a price.  What price?  Elder Holland once taught (and I’m paraphrasing a little for context), “I am convinced that (gospel living) is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience. Salvation never was easy.  We are The Church of Jesus Christ…how could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for him? It seems to me that (members) have to spend at least a few moments in Gethsemane…Now, please don’t misunderstand.  I’m not talking about anything anywhere near what Christ experienced…but I believe that…to come to the truth, to come to salvation, to know something of this price that has been paid, we will have to pay a token of that same price…If (the Savior) could come forward in the night…and cry, ‘Abba, Father (Papa), if this cup can pass, let it pass,’ then little wonder that salvation is not a whimsical or easy thing for us.  If you wonder if there isn’t an easier way, you should remember you are not the first one to ask that.  Someone a lot greater and a lot grander than you asked a long time ago if there wasn’t an easier way…the only way to eternity is through Him—the Way, the Truth, and the Life.”[i]
Today, I’ve been asked to focus on a different but similar quote from Elder Holland, given in the most recent General Conference.  He taught of the struggles and trials that come to all of us, “in striving for some peace and understanding in these difficult matters, it is crucial to remember that we are living—and chose to live—in a fallen world where for divine purposes our pursuit of godliness will be tested and tried again and again.  Of greatest assurance in God’s plan is that a Savior was promised, a Redeemer, who through our faith in Him would lift us triumphantly over those tests and trials, even though the cost to do so would be unfathomable for both the Father who sent Him and the Son who came.  It is only an appreciation of this divine love that will make our own lesser suffering first bearable, then understandable, and finally redemptive.”[ii]
I think most of us understand that when we actively apply the Atonement, the Savior is there to help us bear our burdens.  We think of the Comforter or of the promised blessings that await us, and we know that, first, these things are bearable.  And then, I think we mostly know, and can all testify, that our trials do become understandable, even if only in hindsight.  We learn valuable lessons and skills, we grow into our Divine Nature, we see how the Savior helps us and our testimony of Him is strengthened.  I’m not going to talk about that either.  J  I’d like to focus on the last part of Elder Holland’s quote, where our trials can be “finally redemptive,” or how we can be saved from our sins through them. 
Even more specifically, we basically have two kinds of trials—those that are consequences of our choices, and those over which we have no control.  I think we understand that, as we sin and consequently suffer, we are drawn into the repentance process and can be forgiven of sins.  So I’m not even going to cover that today.  But can we be saved from our sins even through suffering that occurs through no fault of our own?  The answer? Absolutely! 
As I’ve pondered the variety of trials I have endured in my own life, I can testify on a very personal level that there is truly salvation in suffering.  Why?  How is it done?  I’m honestly not totally sure.  But the scriptures testify of it again and again.  And I have felt it.  I noticed in studying this topic that it is particularly mentioned by the Book of Mormon prophet Nephi, the New Testament Apostle Paul, and to the early Saints in the Doctrine and Covenants.  This comes as no surprise if you consider the task that lay in front of each of them, establishing new branches of the Kingdom of God, which of necessity requires a cleansing, purifying power to make it His, make it work, and make it last. 
Nephi and his brothers endured suffering and temptations of nearly every kind, and severe chastening by the Lord.  Of course we know that Laman and Lemuel brought a lot of the chastening on themselves through wickedness, but even Nephi exclaimed in the throes of grief after his father (the prophet Lehi) passed away, “O wretched man that I am!  Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins.”[iii]  This is NEPHI.  He has come to be known to millions as the quintessential prophet of righteousness and obedience!  He had visions and blessings abound, but he was not exempt from suffering, usually at the hands of his brothers but sometimes just because that is life.  Yet even in this moment of his most profound sadness, he declared, “Nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.  My God hath been my support (there’s the bearable)…He hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time (there’s the understandable)…He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh” (and THERE is the redemption).  
It is this humility, this ultimate leaning on the Lord and submissiveness to His will, patiently bearing all things, that enabled Nephi to be “bought back” from his sins and weaknesses and be made whole enough in spite of them to lead a family, and soon a whole people, into a promised land.  Nephi, a righteous prophet of God, was sanctified through his suffering.
The writings of the Apostle Paul abound with encouragement to the early Christians to not only bear their sufferings patiently but to rejoice in them.  “Rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings…if ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you.” [iv] (Bearable.) We are divine children of God with knowledge and power, “but we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.” [v] (Understandable.) “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”[vi] (There’s salvation in there.)  He taught that even Christ Himself not only earned our salvation through His suffering, but His own: “Though He were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered; And being made perfect, he became the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey him.”[vii]
The early Saints in this dispensation have a similar story.  They were trying to do a massively great thing—establish the Lord’s church and kingdom again on the earth, with Jesus Christ at its head.  Sometimes mistakes were made, and sometimes they just needed refining.  “Zion cannot be built up unless it is by the principles of the law of the celestial kingdom,” the Lord taught, “and my people must needs be chastened until they learn obedience, if it must needs be, by the things which they suffer.” [viii] “Behold, this is the blessing which I have promised after your tribulations…your redemption, and the redemption of your brethren.” [ix] “Yet I will own them, and they shall be mine (for He truly bought them with a heavy price)…therefore, they must needs be chastened and tried…for those who will not endure chastening, but deny me, cannot be sanctified.”[x]  We know our history; we know how the Saints humbled themselves and grew through their sufferings into this divine vision.  Zion was indeed established in the Latter Days.
So it appears that much of our suffering is intended to humble us enough to come to the Lord again and again.  It is possible to come unto Christ without immense suffering, but most of us need a little hardship now and again as a reminder.  President Harold B. Lee taught of this suffering, “Some of us have been tried and have been tested until our very heart strings would seem to break…Sometimes when you are going through the most severe tests, you will be nearer to God than you have any idea, for like the experience of the Master himself in the temptation on the mount, in the Garden of Gethsemane, and on the cross at Calvary, the scriptures record, ‘And behold, angels came and ministered unto him.’ Sometimes that may happen to you in the midst of your trials.”[xi]
“We don’t seek out tests, trials, and tribulations.  Our personal journey through life will provide just the right amount for our needs…At times it may seem that our trials are focused on areas of our lives and parts of our souls with which we seem least able to cope…it should come as no surprise that the trials can be very personal—almost laser guided to our particular needs or weaknesses.  And no one is exempt, especially not Saints striving to do what’s right.”[xii]
I know I have experienced this again and again, most recently when I lost Paul. There are no words to describe the pain that has come with this separation; it has been my greatest trial, facing day after day without him, knowing that it will be so for the rest of my time in mortality.  But there is also a very sacred sweetness that has come into my life as I have had to make the Savior my constant companion, one which I don’t have adequate words for but that doesn’t make it any less real or true. In the midst of my grief and in wrestling with the Spirit, on my knees I have come to know my Savior in a new light.  I felt this especially in the first weeks after his passing, largely, I know, because of the prayers and fasting of many of you on my behalf.  I was compelled to rely on others, and I felt the Spirit pouring down from heaven profoundly.  (It was bearable.) As I pondered this Plan of Redemption that I always believed, a more sure knowledge settled in my soul “as the dews from heaven,” and there are things of the Spirit I now know. Additionally, I was blessed to understand how the Lord had prepared me through other trials in my life to meet this challenge, and know that He would take care of me.  (It was understandable.)  I especially felt the love of our Savior when I needed it most, assuring me that I was forgiven and being purified, and that I was capable of loving and forgiving others.  (I knew I had been redeemed, and would be again and again as often as I came unto Him.) I don’t always feel this way now—life has a way of distracting us from these revelations—but I feel this especially when I sit at Paul’s graveside.  I’m human, of course--I worry and doubt and sin—but a calm assurance always comes that lets me know I am known and loved of the Lord.  I feel, again and again, saved.  Redeemed.  Bought back.  Back from my own sinfulness, back to that God that gave me life.  I have come to know that we must endure suffering to be reminded of our vulnerability, of our ultimate powerlessness and reliance on the Lord, to seek that constant connection that saves us.  I think no matter how righteous we are, we will spend our whole lives learning over and over again to “come unto Christ, and be perfected in Him, and deny (ourselves) of all ungodliness…then are (we) sanctified in Christ by the grace of God, through the shedding of the blood of Christ.”[xiii]
I add my witness to that of the prophets of His redeeming power, and of the redemptive power of our trials.  We are saved through suffering—our own, and that of the Savior.  It is why we are here, and it is why He came.  I so testify in the name of our beloved Redeemer, even Jesus Christ, amen.




[i] “Missionary Work and the Atonement,” Jeffrey R. Holland, Mar. 2001 Ensign
[ii] “Like a Broken Vessel,” Jeffrey R. Holland, October 2013 General Conference
[iii] 2 Nephi 4: 17-21, 23
[iv] 1 Peter 4: 13-14
[v] 2 Corinthians 4: 7
[vi] 2 Corinthians 12:10
[vii] Hebrews 5: 8-9
[viii] D&C 105: 5-6
[ix] D&C 103: 13
[x] D&C 101:3-5
[xi] In Conference Report, Munich Germany Area Conference, 1973, pg. 114
[xii] “More than Conquerors Through Him that Loved Us,” Paul V. Johnson, April 2011 General Conference
[xiii] Moroni 10: 32-33

See also Romans 8: 37-39; Alma 5:26; Isaiah 43: 1-2; 2 Corinthians 1: 5-6; 1 Peter 1: 3-9; Hebrews 12: 6-14; Isaiah 53: 5; Galatians 3:24; James 1: 2-6; D&C 90: 36; Luke 21:28; Psalms 49:8; 3 Nephi 9: 13-14, 17, 21-22; Ephesians 1: 6-7; Mormon 9: 12-13; Alma 34:16; Alma 12: 33-34; “The Purifying Power of Gethsemane” by Bruce R. McConkie (April 1985 General Conference); “An High Priest of Good Things to Come” by Jeffrey R. Holland (October 1999 General Conference); “None Were With Him” by Jeffrey R. Holland (April 2009 General Conference); “Broken Things to Mend” by Jeffrey R. Holland (April 2006 General Conference)