Anxiously Engaged...

All fat jokes aside, this is how I feel sometimes. :) Except it's more like the ball rolls out from under my feet and my face plants into the sand...

I realized yet again yesterday how awful I am at balancing my life. I realize that, with the exception of maybe a few extremely amazing individuals, most people are not quite balanced in this world and that finding that state of mind is a lifetime pursuit. However, how will I learn unless I admit my own shortcomings? Balance is even trickier because what is "enough" for one person in one realm of life is "too much" for another...we need more of the things we are weak in, which is ironic because those weaknesses are usually the things we struggle and shy away from.

With wedding planning, I wanted to make sure that Paul and I paid for the bulk of the expenses and that we got what we wanted, not putting anyone out (because, frankly, that's how some people make it seem). I have since then learned how many people feel left out of our "big day" and want something to do. It is a struggle, finding something for everyone to do that doesn't take away from the "fun" of it for either them or me, and finding that something for a dozen other individuals, too.

And yet, if I just do it all myself, not only will that sadden some people but it will drive me crazy! Wedding plans are getting away from us quickly and the closer it comes to May 15th and May 22nd the more stressed out and the more poor both Paul and I become. And being engaged is only the beginning!

So I am forced to take things one day at a time and hope that whether we have lots of food and music at a semi-fancy reception or we live in a cardboard box, the Lord will take care of us and the big goal of getting married in the temple will be accomplished either way.

Pop Art :)

I'm not quite sure why I wanted to put this picture up today, or why I chose that particular title. I feel whimsical in a fatigued way. I want to play with toys. I miss playing with tinkertoys and legos, polly pockets and flash cards. I don't get to play with them anymore, not because I'm too old but because I'm too BUSY! I don't know when that will change...maybe never...

I feel reminiscent. I want to watch Saturday morning cartoons with a big bowl full of Lucky Charms and a wooden spoon. I want to have to chance to be bored. I want to be so full of energy that I never want a nap!

Mini-rant, 'cause I'm irked.

I woke up this morning and Bruce Atticus (my computer) wasn't connecting to the internet because he doesn't like me anymore. Once Paul came over, of course, he started to behave.

Six weeks ago, I got my ears pierced. I cleaned them regularly and anxiously awaited the day when I wouldn't have to sleep in my studs, because they made my ears so dang tender. Yesterday, for Valentine's day, I took out the studs and put in these other pretty earrings that matched my engagement ring. Then, when I had to sleep, I took them out. And this morning my ears had two pea-sized balls of tissue and who knows what else in them, and I can't get any earrings through them without drawing blood and pus. Gross, I know. I'm not too happy about it myself.

Boo on 89 days!

Love Poem of the Day :) "Give All to Love"

Give all to love; Obey thy heart; Friends, kindred, days, Estate, good-fame, Plans, credit and the Muse, Nothing refuse.
'T is a brave master; Let it have scope: Follow it utterly, Hope beyond hope: High and more high It dives into noon, With wing unspent, Untold intent; But it is a god, Knows its own path And the outlets of the sky.
It was never for the mean; It requireth courage stout. Souls above doubt, Valor unbending, It will reward, They shall return More than they were, And ever ascending.
Leave all for love; Yet, hear me, yet, One word more thy heart behoved, One pulse more of firm endeavor, Keep thee to-day, To-morrow, forever, Free as an Arab Of thy beloved.
Cling with life to the maid; But when the surprise, First vague shadow of surmise Flits across her bosom young, Of a joy apart from thee, Free be she, fancy-free; Nor thou detain her vesture's hem, Nor the palest rose she flung From her summer diadem.
Though thou loved her as thyself, As a self of purer clay, Though her parting dims the day, Stealing grace from all alive; Heartily know, When half-gods go, the gods arrive.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wedding Dress!

I got my wedding dress in the mail yesterday, and it is BEAUTIFUL!!! I'm so so so stoked. Is it May yet? :)

Two more people!

I still have room for two more people on that previous post...any takers?