Feeling Inspired :)

I've had a lot of small-but-sweet experiences this week in feeling inspired or receiving revelation.  I often feel contentment or peace or comfort or a vague sense of direction, but actual revelation--that I can't doubt or trivialize later--that's kinda rare for me.  I know it really shouldn't be, but I guess it's something I'm either still learning or it's just not necessary/in the Lord's timing for me most of the time right now.  Anyway, this week has been different.  Nothing exceptional has HAPPENED in other aspects of my life, but it seems like every time I pray, or fast, or study, with all my heart, I get these clear and concise answers.  No extra work, no soul-searching or wrestling with the Spirit or waiting on the Lord's timing as usual (which, I suppose, means that my timing is for once and rarely aligned with His :).  It's wonderful!  I wonder if this is how the apostles feel ALL THE TIME.  :)  Anyway, most of these are really too personal or too complicated to express well in a single blog post, but here's the Reader's Digest version:

*I love the Bishop.  On Sunday I was fasting about something, not even realizing that the HEART of this problem was something else entirely, and on Sunday our bishop bore testimony about things that had nothing to do with what I was thinking about or wanting but EVERYTHING to do with what I was needing.  It's rare for me to cry, especially in public, but I was reduced to tears by the feeling that Heavenly Father loved ME and wanted to tell ME these IMPORTANT, eternal, comforting, inspiring truths...and he did it through inspiring the bishop.  I'm grateful he was paying attention.

*I was still concerned about this other, smaller thing, of course.  And a few other, smaller things, too.  So I've been praying a little more sincerely and specifically before my gospel study--no matter how it looks that day--that I would be led by the Spirit, because I really believe if we could master the art of having the Spirit with us always we would need little else.  As I read in Alma 5, once again completely unrelated to the readings at hand, I had a very clear...not really vision, but just a clear idea and picture in my mind of what I should do about an issue I've been pouring over for MONTHS.  And it was SO SIMPLE, and so perfect.  I wrote it down immediately, and kept reading, and AGAIN, another issue I hadn't even been thinking about consciously but HAD been mulling over in the back of my mind was answered--just like that.  I'm not used to this immediacy or certainty in revelation, but I sure could get used to it!  :)

*I really LOVE the Ensign this month.   Every once in a while it seems like all (or almost all) of the articles are just FOR ME.  This is one of those months.  There have been a few more answers to questions I've already wrestled with for months or years, and there have been promises of answers to come.  There have been moments of empathy and realization that my problems are not mine alone--not only does Heavenly Father know of them and bear them with us if we invite Him to, but chances are really good that in some small way MANY OTHER PEOPLE also understand.  The specifics are different from person to person, of course, but the general problems people face are the same, not only across the world but across time.  With articles titled "Building a Loving Home After Growing Up in a Dysfunctional Family," "Finding Peace Through Forgiveness," "Learning to Cope With Infertility," and a few articles about "Counseling Together in Marriage" or in callings, it seems like all these issues that have been sort of popping up a lot lately for me have all been addressed in a single issue. 

What are the odds?

I'm so very, very far from perfect.  In fact, I'm very, very far from the person I want to be.  I do try my best most days, but I still fall SO SHORT of where I feel I ought to be--I definitely live beneath my privileges.  But *I* have power to change what I can, and to know HOW to change.  And I also have power to accept that the Lord sometimes has to be in charge of moments of my life instead of me, because sometimes there really is nothing I can do.  Learning to have both kinds of faith and when isn't easy, and I'm definitely still a work in progress.  But I'm grateful that, every once in a while, He brings that home to me with all He's got, because He knows how slow I can be sometimes to understand or believe and sometimes I just need those "2-by-4" answers (you know the kind, where you feel like you're getting hit on the head with a 2-by-4, it's just that clear).  I hope I can continue this process of revelation by faithfully acting on the promptings I've been receiving...starting with blogging about it.

That is why I believe.  :)