Loving the breaking

We get internet in our new apartment in two days.  I still will only blog when I have something to say, but it will be super nice to have that option again.  I have had a lot of thoughts and feelings and events and such come and go over this last month and without this blog to capture them, some part of me feels like I'm losing them.  So I'm excited to oooh and aaaah over my projects/photos/notes jotted down and try to finally put them into something worth remembering (for me) and reading about (for you).

It has been nice to become ever-so-slightly less dependent on this crazy internet thing, though.  I still need my email and such, and will never be able to go completely off of it as long as all my friends and family are on it...but I'm better about shutting the computer off and going out and DOING something with my time instead.  Which I am generally happy about.

I read an article recently that was posted on another friend's blog, and I have to pose the question: does this blog make me seem happier/more wholesome than I actually am?  I do try to be a positive person, which I know isn't my strength in life but I am trying to overcome that.  I don't think I pretend that my life is more perfect than it is.  If I do, I'm sorry.  I don't believe in airing all your dirty laundry out in public, but I also don't believe in misleading you all to think that just because I have the gospel in my life I'm always happy and pondering something important, or just because I occasionally post about crafts and recipes and recycling that I'm always working on something and being super productive and incredibly green.  I'm a real person, with problems just like everyone else. And I have bad days.  Today is one of them, in fact.  I have plenty of imperfections and challenges and pains to go along with my happy thoughts and crafts and "why I believes". 

If you honestly ask me about these in private, I'll share them.  I'm not shy about these things, in the right place.  But I won't put them all out for the whole world to see.  It's not that I worry what you'll think about me.  I'm not trying to protect myself from some delusion in which everyone thinks I'm great and I am too scared to share my imperfections for fear I'll shatter that image of me (this is what some of the people interviewed seemed to be portraying by their comments, that Mormons are putting on a wholesome facade and pretending to be something they're not because it's taboo to be anything less than perfect.  WRONG!)  I just think there's enough negativity out there already, so why spread the hate?  And some of my pains relate to people, people who I have no right to publicly criticize or humiliate in a moment of frustration or anger.  Other things are really so silly or common that they don't need to be mentioned, because they are just a part of everyday life for EVERYONE.  But mostly it's because I'm genuinely trying MYSELF to be more positive, to focus on the good in my life and the world and in my own talents and abilities, and I want to put THAT out there to remind MYSELF of that truth when the clouds come and the rains pour. 

Just wanted to clarify that.  But I am still a real person.