Lots of random thoughts today

I don't particularly have anything on my mind, or anything fun and crafty to show, I just feel like blogging.  Isn't that weird?  Why would I feel compelled to write when I have nothing to say, especially since I don't post every day anyway?  Maybe it has something to do with being in a procrastinating mood--I really don't feel like being productive at all today.  So, yet again, you'll be getting lots of randomness.  Sorry that's mostly what this blog is anymore.  But I won't promise that will change.  :)

Tomorrow, though, I PROMISE, I will post crafty stuff, because tonight is my first ever craft club night!  I have no idea how many people are coming--not many, I think, because babysitters are hard to find (especially if dads are busy)...and one interested lady is out of town and another has a grandma in seriously ill condition today and maybe even with LOTS of notice Thursdays are just not as good nights as people thought they'd be.  But that's okay.  I got my hint o' lime chips and black bean and white corn salsa (DIVINE) and even if no one else shows up, I've got a half dozen old, ratty tee shirts I'm going to transform into something beautiful and useful tonight.  :)  That has me excited.

I got to babysit for my old neighbors today.  It's so fun to see kids grow up.  It's also fun to see how much time FLIES when you're having fun, especially with children.  Two hours zip right on by when you have a swingset and a fenced in back yard!  I can't wait 'til we have a reason to not be in an apartment anymore.  Lots of positive childhood memories came floating back today as I played with the boys, and it made me not just nostalgic but a little yearning, too...but not in a bad way.  :)

I'm such a SHIPPER.  It's funny.  Growing up with seriously lacking dating experience, I always thought I was a shipper just because I was living vicariously through these characters, but it turns out that even after being happily married for 3 years I'm as big a shipper as ever, maybe even MORE so.  I just love LOVE.  I can't help it.  I love being in love (especially on the good days) and I love watching other people--real or imaginary--falling in love and staying there (even though it is HARD).  Falling in love doesn't make all the conflict or the problems go away, but it does make it worth it.  I like that people are beginning to shy away from the "Moonlighting Curse" (don't even get me started on that one) and we're getting to see more of the "after happily ever after" part of the love stories on TV and in books even.  I love seeing how love changes people.  I'm so glad that most of my entertainment, in any medium--romantic comedies, dramedies, action, or sci-fi, it doesn't matter--put the people I want to be together...together.  :)  Even if it's the last 15 minutes of a 10-year series (ahem, JAG)...I get so invested in characters and it's nice to imagine happy endings.  I don't think it's naive of me to want happy endings for everyone.  Anyway, along comes Stargate SG-1 (one of my favorites, I'm rewatching just my favorite Sam & Jack episodes these days as I get my chores done) and ruins my almost perfect streak of satisfaction.  MAN ALIVE, THOSE TWO ARE SO FRUSTRATING!  I totally get it, I really do, but even at the end of the series, everything is implied, everything is subtext, and I am just not a subtext girl anymore.  I want them to say out loud and make official things that they only ever could in an alternate reality/alternate timeline/head injuries/memory stamping/WHATEVER...aka I want it to be REAL and STATED and I just wish, even though everyone pretty much already knows they ended up together after the series, that they had come out and SAID SO.  Or showed so.  Without anything really good making it only as far as the cutting room floor.

*End of rant.*

My "babies," my puppies, are so stinkin' cute sometimes.  :) They know what they want/need when they want it--especially attention and affection--and they know exactly what to do to get it, too.  When I'm on the computer or my phone too much and Voodoo is needing me to stop it, she literally just crawls right in between of me and the computer/phone/whatever until I have to stop and give her that attention--always so CUTE, too.  Obi is kinda the same way.  She knows when we are upset and, especially when we yell at her, she knows exactly how to calm us down.  She sits (or goes on her bed, if the door is open), and does exactly the move that Bolt learned to do in that movie--head down and tilted, ears back, eyes looking up all cutely, paws crossed sweetly, as if to say, "I'm just a defenseless, language-less little angel, why are you getting so upset?"  And she is SO FORGIVING.  The second you spray her or stop yelling she immediately runs right up and pushes her nose under your hand and makes amends.  She is SO HUMAN.  And she's a better one than me sometimes.  Voodoo is getting there, although she's more puppy than human right now.  But Obi is such a PERSON, I forget sometimes that she is in fact a dog and not my child.  And Voodoo is my baby, for sure.  :)

I have been REALLY good about eating healthy this last couple of weeks...except not really.  I mostly eat fresh fruits and veggies, with a little raw nuts or granola cereal to give it all some staying power.  It's amazing how much lighter I *feel* even if I haven't lost any actual weight.  Then along comes my dear, adoring, supportive husband, who wants to spoil me with chocolate, and I can't look at these and NOT eat:

A lot of people don't like these, but they taste just like Frango, and I LOVE them!

*Sigh* Dieting would be easier if he needed to get skinny, too.  It's WAY HARD to cook/eat well when one of you needs to lose and the other needs to gain (in a healthy way, not just eating fried foods).  It's even harder to figure out how to do it without upsetting the delicate balance of either of our bodies--too much of an allergen or citrus and his body is out for a few days...too much "healthy" stuff and (aside from the COST of it all) he never feels "full."  And with me, I can handle a stomach ache just fine, but stomach problems lead to back problems which lead to all-over problems.  Not to mention my emotional journey and spiritual clarity seem to heavily revolve around the foods I eat lately and the hormone imbalances that an imbalanced diet creates.  I'm not trying to complain, and I hope I don't offend Paul with this post like I have with others in the past.  (I apparently need to censor my posts from now on to make sure this is all about ME and not HIM.)  I'm just sayin'.  I wish *I* had more self-control, because those M&Ms didn't last more than a couple of hours.  And I had done so well!  At least it all averages out to less calories than before, still!  :)  I don't want to be a crazy person and cut out food I love, not even chocolate, but I gotta find a system that works for me, knowing how easily I give in to my cravings.  And I gotta find out how to get self-discipline when you don't have any.

I have been struck lately with the ridiculousness of my delusions of independence.  Really.  I was washing the dishes a couple of days ago and thinking about how much Paul and I are trying to live providently and wanting to improve some bad habits from yesteryear and how nice it would be if we were truly debt free, and that is all GOOD.  Even commanded by our Church leaders and recommended by worldly ones.  I'm not in any way knocking the desire to live within our means or to be able to provide for our families in the Lord's way.  I also have a really hard time asking for help, sometimes because of pride and sometimes because I have no idea what I want in the first place, but I have this fantasy of never needing anyone else for my own happiness ever again--to create in myself happiness independently of anyone else.  But "independent" is totally a wrong word for all of it.  I can't imagine that anyone in this whole entire world is truly independent, and anyone who REALLY tries for it is either very alone or very exhausted.  Just think about it.  What if, as my friend Jamie once asserted, we had all lived on our own little planets and had to do it ALL for ourselves--food, clothing, shelter, energy, happiness, pleasure, growth, learning, beauty, and every other good thing this life has to offer...can you imagine?  Even if you're not religious and you can take God out of the equation (which I can't), you still need people.  That's why we have families and friends and division of labor.  I'm so glad we're not all on our own.  We truly are all beggars.  Isn't that comforting?

Wax museums are creepy.  But I still wanna go to a good one.  :)

These are the kinds of things on my mind today.

Project 366--June 4-10

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Mon, June 4--Made rice balls (onigiri) for lunches for the week
Tues, June 5--Voodoo trying to get my attention
Wed, June 6--Cute activity days girls (I filled in for a leader that couldn't make it) as we folded tee-shirt-shaped invites for Daddy/Daughter night
Thurs, June 7--Yummy crockpot meal (basically a roast with fresh garlic, rosemary, and thyme)
Fri, June 8--Obi sleeps funny
Sat, June 9--WE GOT A NEW CAR!  We call her Punky.
Sun, June 10--Paul gets hives (randomly...)

Project 366--May 28-June 3

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May 28--Obi hiding behind the Celeste pillow

May 29--Obi wearing Paul's shirt

May 30--rock bugs for the garden!

May 31--Obi cuddling with Paul on the couch

June 1--an assortment of crocheted baby converse for Clair
June 2--laundry pile (the "before" pic)

June 3--my clean bedroom (the "after" pic) :)

Crocheted Baby Converse!

Remember this sneak peek a couple of weeks ago?

Well, here is the full reveal!  :)

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this awesome {FREE} crocheted baby Converse pattern by Suzanne Resaul over at Ravelry!

(You can tell which was my first shoe ever since my black stripes weren't as even then...I learned as I went along.  :)

I've had a LOT of fun lately crocheting baby shoes for my many pregnant friends.  :)

I love all the bright colors you can make.

I love that it can be for boys

paired up with the football baby cocoon for a newborn boy gift!

or girls.

nothing says girlie-girl like pink & purple Converse with flowers in the background!

I love that the pattern is FREE and adorable and so, so tiny!!!  Small things are always cuter.  :)  I seriously smile, and even giggle a little to myself with glee, when I look at these.  Especially when they weren't finished yet:

Don't they just make YOU smile?  :)

I will say, I struggled to follow the directions (maybe it was just me), so no two shoes are exactly alike.  (That just adds to the handmade charm, right? :)  Also, the beginning is a little challenging as you start since it's all so tight, but by the end it's MUCH easier.  AND, I didn't have the hooks she said to have, so I used .25 mm smaller for each...which works out since they are BABY shoes!  (Maybe sometime I'll try to adapt the pattern to MY SIZE feet...I could use some cool house slippers. :)  The first shoe took me 6-7 hours from start to finish as I tried to figure out what she meant in each step, but by the end, after I figured it out, it only took me 2 1/2-3 hours for each shoe.  So if you're a crocheter, give them a shot!  :)  You won't regret it!

(And, in case you missed the first two links, you can find the pattern HERE!)

Happy crafting!

Who are your scripture heroes?

I have a lot of heroes in the scriptures, for sure, but lately as I've been studying in Alma (in the Book of Mormon) I have really fallen in love with the story of Amulek.  Now THERE is a man who had trials!  There he was, minding his own business--doing well, financially, and having lots of family and friends, being respected by his people...not sinning greatly but not really turning his heart to God, either.  He felt promptings occasionally, but ignored them--which I relate to far better than those that openly rebelled against the Church--until, one day, an angel came and told him to receive the prophet Alma into his house.  His obedience to this set a whole COURSE of events in motion.  He went from being comfortable to leaving his home for a time and preaching the gospel.  That alone must have been kinda scary, especially dealing with the feelings of unworthiness or fear of rejection.  But THEN, he saw the heart-heartedness of his people, who for the most part turned on him--tried to trap him and bore false witness that he had spoken against their laws, burned all those that believed on his and Alma's testimony, imprisoned him and denied him food, water, and clothing...and even when the Lord delivered them, his people were destroyed, the few righteous that escaped now refugees.  It was deserved, but that doesn't mean it was easy for him.  Amulek forsook his gold and silver and precious things and, on faith, followed Alma to Zarahemla.  I love the part in Alma 18:15 where it says, "Now as I said, Alma having seen all these things, therefore he took Amulek and came over to the land of Zarahemla, and took him to his own house, and did administer unto him in his tribulations, and strengthened him in the Lord."  I think he must have needed A LOT of strengthening and comfort after all of that.

I just think that is a LOT for a relatively new convert to experience.  I was thinking about what it would be like to have joined with Alma, hoping to share the message of redemption--which you had just experienced--with all the people you love most in the whole world, and to have them turn on you like that.  To see the few that believed your words consumed by fire and wanting to exercise the power of God against the wicked and spare the righteous, but having the prophet next to you say that he felt constrained not to do it.  To then be imprisoned--naked, hungry, spit upon--for two weeks and to wonder if maybe you'd been better off to never have followed the angel's advice in the first place.  Even with all that I know and all I believe, I have NO IDEA how I'd react in a similar situation. But good ol' Amulek was faithful--sure, he needed strengthening afterwards, but he never once doubted his path, no matter what trials came upon him. 

I guess I had just never really given him much thought in my many readings of the Book of Mormon, other than as a missionary companion to Alma, but this time around I was really impressed by his faith and example, all by himself.  We always think of people like Job, Joseph Smith, or Christ as the ultimate examples of faith through adversity, but I think Amulek is right up there with them for me.  The truth is that it is often when we are on the RIGHT path that our hardest trials come...sometimes as a result of our own choices or living in an imperfect world, sometimes because of the devil's temptations to try and keep us from joining forces with great works and movements of the righteous, and sometimes as tests or chastening or humbling experiences from the Lord.  But no matter what we go through, we can always turn to the Lord and his disciples for strength to carry on in the right path.  I just love that.  :) I love knowing that my trials aren't all punishments and that, in my suffering, I'm in good company.  For some reason I wanted to share it here.

Who are YOUR scripture heroes lately?

Feeling Inspired :)

I've had a lot of small-but-sweet experiences this week in feeling inspired or receiving revelation.  I often feel contentment or peace or comfort or a vague sense of direction, but actual revelation--that I can't doubt or trivialize later--that's kinda rare for me.  I know it really shouldn't be, but I guess it's something I'm either still learning or it's just not necessary/in the Lord's timing for me most of the time right now.  Anyway, this week has been different.  Nothing exceptional has HAPPENED in other aspects of my life, but it seems like every time I pray, or fast, or study, with all my heart, I get these clear and concise answers.  No extra work, no soul-searching or wrestling with the Spirit or waiting on the Lord's timing as usual (which, I suppose, means that my timing is for once and rarely aligned with His :).  It's wonderful!  I wonder if this is how the apostles feel ALL THE TIME.  :)  Anyway, most of these are really too personal or too complicated to express well in a single blog post, but here's the Reader's Digest version:

*I love the Bishop.  On Sunday I was fasting about something, not even realizing that the HEART of this problem was something else entirely, and on Sunday our bishop bore testimony about things that had nothing to do with what I was thinking about or wanting but EVERYTHING to do with what I was needing.  It's rare for me to cry, especially in public, but I was reduced to tears by the feeling that Heavenly Father loved ME and wanted to tell ME these IMPORTANT, eternal, comforting, inspiring truths...and he did it through inspiring the bishop.  I'm grateful he was paying attention.

*I was still concerned about this other, smaller thing, of course.  And a few other, smaller things, too.  So I've been praying a little more sincerely and specifically before my gospel study--no matter how it looks that day--that I would be led by the Spirit, because I really believe if we could master the art of having the Spirit with us always we would need little else.  As I read in Alma 5, once again completely unrelated to the readings at hand, I had a very clear...not really vision, but just a clear idea and picture in my mind of what I should do about an issue I've been pouring over for MONTHS.  And it was SO SIMPLE, and so perfect.  I wrote it down immediately, and kept reading, and AGAIN, another issue I hadn't even been thinking about consciously but HAD been mulling over in the back of my mind was answered--just like that.  I'm not used to this immediacy or certainty in revelation, but I sure could get used to it!  :)

*I really LOVE the Ensign this month.   Every once in a while it seems like all (or almost all) of the articles are just FOR ME.  This is one of those months.  There have been a few more answers to questions I've already wrestled with for months or years, and there have been promises of answers to come.  There have been moments of empathy and realization that my problems are not mine alone--not only does Heavenly Father know of them and bear them with us if we invite Him to, but chances are really good that in some small way MANY OTHER PEOPLE also understand.  The specifics are different from person to person, of course, but the general problems people face are the same, not only across the world but across time.  With articles titled "Building a Loving Home After Growing Up in a Dysfunctional Family," "Finding Peace Through Forgiveness," "Learning to Cope With Infertility," and a few articles about "Counseling Together in Marriage" or in callings, it seems like all these issues that have been sort of popping up a lot lately for me have all been addressed in a single issue. 

What are the odds?

I'm so very, very far from perfect.  In fact, I'm very, very far from the person I want to be.  I do try my best most days, but I still fall SO SHORT of where I feel I ought to be--I definitely live beneath my privileges.  But *I* have power to change what I can, and to know HOW to change.  And I also have power to accept that the Lord sometimes has to be in charge of moments of my life instead of me, because sometimes there really is nothing I can do.  Learning to have both kinds of faith and when isn't easy, and I'm definitely still a work in progress.  But I'm grateful that, every once in a while, He brings that home to me with all He's got, because He knows how slow I can be sometimes to understand or believe and sometimes I just need those "2-by-4" answers (you know the kind, where you feel like you're getting hit on the head with a 2-by-4, it's just that clear).  I hope I can continue this process of revelation by faithfully acting on the promptings I've been receiving...starting with blogging about it.

That is why I believe.  :)

Daily To Dos

So, my cleaning dry-erase board is really working for me.  I LOVE seeing all the Xs at the end of the week and feeling accomplished, and my house has never been CONSISTENTLY cleaner than it has been in the last couple of weeks.  Turns out, at least for now, that is more satisfying than any incentive I could have come up with otherwise.  Every once in a while Paul walks by the hall and sees all the Xs and gives me a kiss of pride and encouragement, which also helps a lot.  :)

But I figured out that on top of my weekly schedule, there are things I'm constantly writing on my to-do list and erasing, writing and erasing, day after day, so why not make myself a daily to-do list (for a week at a time) in the same dry-erase fashion?  So I whipped up a little something to fit in a cheap 8"x10" frame:

Each day (working or not) I want to:
say my prayers
read my scriptures/gospel study
exercise
make my bed!
work in my garden, even if it's just watering it
take a picture for project 366
walk the dogs or at least play with them
write something--whether creative, letters, blog or journal

Once again, I've made it a freebie if you want it, with the clip art easily removeable so you can get rid of whatever clip art that doesn't apply to you and add your own instead.  :)  You can download the word document HERE. 

I have a few other projects I've been working on, but nothing I can post just yet.  Some are gifts that haven't been given yet, and some are just in works progress at the moment.  Soon!  I promise!

Project 366--May 21-27

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May 21--Caida's VNS surgery
May 22--Voodoo on the couch after a day of missing mommy--it was the last week of school, but I still subbed 3 days!
May 23--Bandanas for field day!
May 24--Kids sitting and watching each other's plays.
May 25--My cleaning chart for each day of the week.
May 26--Finished crocheting Laura's baby shoes!
May 27--Blown tire on our Sunday morning.  (It's almost abstract, really, this close up. :)

Project 366--May 14-20

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I decided I probably won't do weekly themes anymore.  It's more ecclectic and interesting to NOT do it, and I'm also more motivated to take pictures each day instead of all at once.  :)

May 14--Just a pic of Obi...I've taken a LOT of her these days. :)

May 15--OUR ANNIVERSARY!  Here is Paul at the theater in a red chair after we saw "Avengers."

May 16--A shot of the headband I made for myself (and others) on Mother's Day the Sunday before...

May 17--Just something I saw in a classroom--she'd made her own magnetic alphabet board with an oil pan and such for a literacy center, and I love it!

May 18--A banana cream pie I made for Paul for dessert.

May 19--We've been drinking flavored waters for a while (and I have LOTS MORE I want to try)--this is our citrus one.

May 20--Another pic of Obi...this time she's hiding under the table.  :)

Project 366--May 7-13

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This Week's Theme: My Favorite Playthings :)
(The caption reads: "Some toys are meant for play, and others are meant for display, but if it has a vintage feel, I want it!  I love heirloom-y playthings...)

May 7--little wool sheep
May 8--a "beary" cute miniature tea set
May 9--a sweet wooden rocking horse
May 10--peg games, like you see at Cracker Barrel
May 11--unfinished wood blocks...yeah, we rock it old school :)
May 12--a giant knit checkers set--I had one just like it when I was little
May 13--of course, our teddy bear collections--each of us has teddy bears from when we were younger--mine only since I was 10 or so, but Paul's since he was 1!