Who's ready for a Friday? THIS GIRL!

Quick lil' blog post:

I feel like this week has lasted about a thousand years.  I feel like I could slip into silent slumber for about a thousand more.  It has been a trying week, emotionally and physically, at the school in which I work, and I think everyone around me feels just about the same way.  :) 

• The flu is going around--and kids are germy enough on their own, but when you add special needs into the mix, germs spread like wildfire! 
• I've been fighting off germs of my OWN.  Especially a little dizziness, which makes reading and crafting and watching TV (my usual passtimes) especially unappealing.
• Several teachers have had life-altering crises this week, including the teacher in whose classroom I spend my mornings. We are a tight community and it has been a wonderfully exhausting week of many prayers and miracles, but also of much worrying in between.  And worrying really does wear you out.
• I've been dropping little "surprises" in my birthday buddy's mailbox every day.  This may not seem like a big deal to some but when it's out of your comfort zone and you don't really know the person, it can be exhausting to find things to give each day!
• I've been battling dozens of children who are tired of sitting inside all day (has this winter been EXTRA COLD or is it just me?), sick as a dog (but not a fever or throwing up so they can still come to school), and just incredibly unmotivated to listen to a word any of us "know-nothing grown-ups" say.  I can handle sadness, cluelessness, etc., but flat-out defiance?  Not my favorite thing.  I may have snapped at more than one child this week.
• The teacher I work with in the afternoons had her official observation this week--but I felt like it was a third my own!  The principal came in for about an hour and just went back and forth between watching her and watching me (which could be a good thing since I'm hoping to score a teaching job next year?).  "The Beach" is a fun but stressful place to work at all the time anyway, but this week with evaluations and ISTEP+ and sickness and starting to think about NEXT year in serious terms it has just been a little extra rough.
• My own to-do list has grown EXPONENTIALLY this week, and my motivation these days is inversely proportionate to the length of my to-do list. 

I've even been eating relatively decently, taking my vitamins, drinking plenty of water, and trying to get 8+ hours of sleep at night, but I am still SO TIRED.

The truth is, I am weary.  Which is worse than tired.

I am weary of contention, in all its forms.  I am weary of worrying about what other people think, and just as weary of my own regrets and the consequences when I swing the pendulum to the other side and stop caring altogether about what other people think!  I am weary of routine, as much as I need it.  I am weary of anything that breaks me out of that routine.  I am weary of negativity and sadness and overthinking everything to the point of exhaustion.  I'm weary of pregnancy (not my own, just everyone around me--I'm weary of baby talk!!!).  I'm just incredibly weary of the world right now, and don't really feel like I've found my place in it--and I feel like I SHOULD have by now, as I am almost 30 and still feel like my "real life" hasn't even begun.  I am especially weary of hearing myself say that over and over these last few years--like a broken record that I don't even like but I don't know how to just STOP LISTENING.

I wonder when you feel like a grown-up?  I was told once (half-jokingly) that you had to be 28 before anyone took you seriously as an adult, but I'm past that and still don't even take MYSELF seriously.  Or maybe I take myself TOO seriously.  I don't know.  This is not the life I had envisioned for myself, AT ALL, but it has been absolutely marvelous and a total adventure nonetheless and I don't have a right to complain even for a second. 

Miracles happen, they really do.  I feel incredibly blessed lately to have witnessed several of them, this week and last alone.  I LOVE my job, even if it is trying.  I can't imagine doing anything else right now.  I LOVE my ward.  I might not have a LOT of friends, but the ones I have are REAL and we have lots to celebrate.  I have a great calling in which I get to work with sweet children every week and incredible, devoted women who buoy me up with their friendship and love and validation.  We had a charity auction at our relief society meeting last night and it was SO FUN--they even brought in a professional auctioneer for the event!  I'm learning to be more grateful for the little things, and it helps.  I have seen more BIG miracles this month than the last year combined, which helps a lot, too.  And I have the most FABULOUS, relaxed husband to distract me from myself, which helps most of all. 

But if I happen to sleep in almost all weekend, or start a countdown to spring break even though I have no travel plans, or if I get a little grouchy or a little less done than usual, now you know why, and I hope the people around me will be patient.  This, too, shall pass. 

A Christmas Gift

So, TWO Christmases ago, Paul got me a sweet little sewing machine.  It's not top of the line or anything, but since I am a VERY NOVICE sew-er-of-things-by-machine and struggle to make even simple projects with straight lines, it was right in that sweet spot between our budget and need.  And it's cute, which helps me love it all the more.  :)

Well, today I finally opened it up.  I know, more than a YEAR after he thoughtfully bought it for me.  The truth is, I've had many projects piling up for that year but I never felt brave enough to tackle the "big bad" sewing machine.  Until today, when that list became just one item too long and I suddenly felt like I couldn't even wait 'til the weekend to pull it out and start using it.   So I opened it.  Pulled out THE MACHINE.  Tore off the plastic and safety tapes.  Opened the bobbin holder thingy (see?  I don't even know what it's called.)  Looked at the directions.

And that's as far as I got before I felt the panic attack coming on.

I'm not exaggerating or making light of panic attacks, either.  I literally felt my breath getting short--look at all the pictures with no words!--my heart pounding in my ears--where do I put this thread, or do I even have thread to put on it?--and the walls closing in on me--but I NEED to get this done TODAY!  I don't know why, but I do...  My vision started to narrow a bit and I threw down the way-too-big-and-too-complicated-for-me-'cause-I-just-want-to-make-a-short-curtain-anyway instruction manual and walked away to breathe again before the overwhelmed-ness of it all got out of hand.

So it sits there, half-opened in the guest room, packaging everywhere, and there it will stay until someone else walks me through it.  Because the compulsive need to make something NOW has vanished and I'm just not motivated to figure it out on my own these days.  And really, that's how I learn best.  I'm not a book kinda learner, as much as I wish I was.  I'm a watch-someone-else-do-it kinda learner.  An I-need-someone-by-me-as-I-try-it-out-to-tell-me-if-I'm-doing-it-wrong kinda learner.  An I'll-pay-you-in-chocolate-or-dinner-if-you'll-help-a-sister-out kinda learner.  So I posted my request on Facebook, and while I don't have any takers yet, I'm sure I will soon.  :)

And then, BE PREPARED.  Because I will have LOTS to show off if I ever get this thing--and myself--put together!  :)

Here are my TOP projects yet-to-do that require a sewing machine:

1. Small green curtains for our DVD "shelf" under the TV.
2. Pink ruffly scarf-like thingies for the bathroom shower curtains and above the mirror.
3. Curtains and an accent pillowcase for our bedroom.
4. A quilt for the Dustins that I have had cut for a year and a half and never did get around to sewing!!!  (Better late than never???  Maybe they'll have ANOTHER boy in the next couple of years and it can go to him instead?!)
5. Matching aprons for my sister and niece(s).
6. A cute purse (I'm crocheting the outside but I want the lining to be sewn...I have no idea how to do that...it's NOT just straight lines!)
7. Felt heart banner for mantle.
8. Puppy mei tai for Voodoo so we can go bike-riding this summer without worrying about her jumping out of the basket or running between the tires.  :)

Daydreams and Passports

I am definitely looking forward to summer break.  Not that I don't love my job, but one of the *perks* of working in schools is getting my summers off to spend on things *I* want to do!  Like crafting, writing more, catching up on a million and one projects, reorganizing the home, etc.  One of the top things on our to-do list this summer is travel.  Of course, with no savings to speak of, travel has to be modified.  Thankfully, we live in Indiana, where clearly residents always wished to get out and see the world even though they were always poor farmers and couldn't travel.  How do I know this?  Look at some of our city names:

Peru
Morocco
Mexico
Lebanon
Brazil
Ireland
Scotland
Warsaw
Versailles
Manila
Mecca
Paris
Rome

Clearly the "crossroads of America" really means this is where you have to pass through to get to the good stuff.  ;)  Just kidding.  I'm actually a little in love with the idea that I could actually afford to visit all of these places in a matter of weekends and we could talk like posh people who've seen the world.

SO.  Paul and I have decided that this summer we are going to do a "staycation" of sorts and travel to each of these cities, a few at a time.  We will stamp our own fun little fake passports, and do one fun thing in each city to remember it by (if you know of anything in any of these small towns, let me know! I've gotta start researching NOW).  We'll also take a picture by the city sign as proof of our adventures and compile it all into a scrapbook.  Sounds like fun, right?  :)

If you're in Indiana this summer and you want to join in the fun, let me know! 

If you aren't, but want a fun fake passport to download and modify with relatively little hassle, there is a cute one HERE. 

You can use it for your own travels around your state, or for homeschooling purposes (read about different cultures and stamp as you go), or "Around the World in 80 Days" youth/YSA activities, or whatever your heart desires.  :)  They even have some stamps included (to print off and tape, of course) and all you have to do it print, cut, laminate (optional), and write in the details.  I love not having to reinvent the wheel!  And I can't wait for our summer staycation to begin!  Daydreaming about it is really what's keeping me going through the sometimes LONG work days.  :)

To do...and NOT to do list. :)

Here are things I *wanted* to do over my winter break but never got around to:
(1) Crochet a chevron runner for my bathroom toilet tank.
(2) Sleep in every day.  (Although I DID sleep in on a few days, and mostly I was sick when I did, I did not quite make it to every day.)
(3) Organize a "work folder" for my timecards (preprinted) and other things so it wouldn't be so crazy.
(4) Write at least two chapters of my novel.  :)
(5) Clean the chimney.
(6) Scan the pictures Sister Swartz gave me LAST SUMMER of my YW days!
(7) Give the dogs baths and cut their nails.

Here are things that were NOT on my to-do list that I *did* do instead:
(1) Get hooked on and watch all 2 seasons that are out of Downton Abbey.
(2) See "The Hobbit" in theaters.
(3) Read a novel of a friend of mine.
(4) Lots of gift card and thrift store shopping! Several new books, a new vacuum, and clothes and Starbucks goodies thanks to Christmas gifts from others.
(5) Random "Secret Santa" for a friend's sister.
(6) Throw an intimate New Year's Eve party.
(7) Find and download several digiscrap kits.

Now, to be fair, there were plenty of things ON my to-do list that DID get done, and more than just housework at that.  :)  I just think it's funny, and I wish I had another week or two off to really enjoy myself a little more AND get a few of those other things done still!  Although, I am looking forward to getting into routines, especially with my new writing and health resolutions, and there will still be most evenings free...so I can't complain.  Life is good.   

How was your break, if you got one?  :)

Book Page/Celery Stamp Art!

What do you get when you use celery, acrylic paint, an old book page, and a simple matted frame?

ART!

These pics really don't do the artworks justice--in person they are delicate, feminine, beautiful roses, and they match my bathroom perfectly.  :)

New Year's FUN! :)

Well, a little extra time spent on New Year's fun was WELL worth it.  I was going to be happy even if it was just Paul and me--hey, fun New Year's date!--but we opened our home up in case anyone was without plans. And who should show up but my BFF Lindsey?!  :)  I think I've got a new tradition or two tucked away for the years ahead...

...like setting up a "photobooth"-like place where even iPhone cameras can take awesome pics with a little editing.

...like eating small round foods (it's a Filipino thing, apparently--that and wearing polka dots, all of which symbolize money/wealth for the new year).

Yup, meatballs, grapes, bread with flavored butters, and Oreos...not too fancy, but delicious all the same!

...like popping confetti-filled balloons at midnight...and having fun with them after.

We had balloons to pop at each hour, as well, which (if we had bothered to actually DO most of the activities, but what are games compared to good conversation? :) got us thinking about the past year, looking forward to the next, and chaging the pace of the party.  Some of the activities that we may or may not have gotten around to included playing a get-to-know-you-better game, making 2013 jars (wherein we put happy memories throughout the year to look back on NEXT New Year's Eve), dance party on the kinect, a New Year's Resolution game (everyone puts in a resolution and you try to decide whose it is...more fun for big groups :), and so on.  This may or may not stick for next year, but it was a fun idea all the same.  It was MORE fun to just catch up with Linds, make our 2013 jars extra special (don't have a pic of her awesome purple plaid!), nibble at the food and take LOTS of awesome pictures!  :)

There's a superstition that how you spend your New Year's Day is symbolic/indicative of how you'll spend your whole year.  So I hope you are all healthy, relaxed, well-off, and well-fed today being around those you love!  Happy New Year!

Project 366--December 10-31!

It's a little bittersweet, posting the last of my Project 366 pages.  It's been a fun experiment that I may revisit some year in the future, but for now, honestly, it's a little relieving not taking endless pictures of my dogs on days that are boring.  :)  I DO feel like I've only scratched the surface of what this project could be.  Maybe if I get a better camera someday it could be more about the photography.  Or maybe if I follow one of those "photo a day" prompts I could have more insight and variety into my life.  Maybe if I developed the quickpages as I went along it could be about developing my skills as a digiscrapper.  But I'm glad I did it nonetheless--I know that when I look back at this year, I'm going to see a lot of crafts, recipes, puppies, and some of my favorite things, and sprinkled in the middle of it all will be some of the fun things we did this year.  That's pretty true to life.  :)  And I WILL keep digiscrapping, so be looking forward to quickpages, printables, hybrid projects, and more...just not as frequently as EVERY DAY.  :) 

Here they are, the last of the Project 366 quickpages!

December 10-16, DOWNLOAD HERE.

December 17-23, DOWNLOAD HERE

December 24-30, DOWNLOAD HERE

 New Year's Eve page, DOWNLOAD HERE!

And, in case you forgot to download a cover for your album, here is a blank cover for you, with one photo to define each month.  (Don't worry, THE DOWNLOAD doesn't have our family name on it. :)

HAPPY SCRAPPING, AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!  :)