Here is a preview of the first section, "Birthdays," which are on my mind because it's March and only 4 days until my own...which I keep forgetting...
BIRTHDAYS
Why would we note a birthday at all unless we intended to celebrate it? Birthdays, especially some, serve as “rites of passage” and reminders to all of us about the miracle of life. The miracles of our lives. We gather together the people that are most important to us and we feel, for one day out of the year, what we already know the other 364—that we matter to someone, that our lives have a purpose, that we are of worth, and that life is in itself something worth celebrating.
That being said, children and adults often expect too much out of their special days. Life is expensive and stressful enough without huge, elaborate parties that set you back a ridiculous amount of money, or presents that are over-the-top expensive and that will only get broken or traded or forgotten in the competition of “the next big thing.” Trying to outdo yourself on the cakes, the presents, the decorations, the activities, the number of friends, the favors…year after year after year…child after child after child…sooner or later, you’re going to crack. And then the birthdays, and the children who need to celebrate them, are the ones who will suffer.
So how do you party hardy while keeping your cool and teaching your children to denounce the materialistic trends of the day?
(1) Set a budget. When the child is old enough to work through the details with you, let them in on the action. Teaching kids how much things cost and letting them make choices about what’s most important on those special days is the best way to make sure that you both keep any parties within reason.
(2) Have “special” birthdays with more money in the budget. Growing up, our big birthday parties were at 8, 12, and 16, which worked out wonderfully because those are big birthdays in the Church. (My 8th translated into a 9th because of an ice storm, but I did eventually get it.) I still, with my awful memory, remember those parties vividly because I anticipated them for years instead of weeks.
(3) Provide siblings with a small amount of cash ($5-$10) and access to your ideas and your craft cupboard so they can hand-make thoughtful, creative gifts without spending all your money. (See the section on “ARTS & CRAFTS” for ideas.) Work on these gifts in advance so that no one is rushing around at the last minute and ends up making shoddy presents. Also, make this budget something they have to earn by doing special projects or favors around the house.
(4) Get creative with a themed party. Don’t be afraid to go over-the-top with your ideas, and then find inexpensive substitutes or avenues to make those ideas a reality. Incorporate them into not only the décor, but activities and cakes and costumes and music. You can do a lot for an idea with just a few willing hands.
(5) Learn to make cakes. Invest in a few amazing cake pans and a few essential tips for icing decoration, then have at it! Themed cakes for themed parties will be remembered for so long and are way more affordable if you learn to make and decorate them yourself.
(6) Make at least one gift a book, every time. Children will not learn to love to read if they don’t have that example at home, and they won’t value a good story if it’s just thrown at them haphazardly. Find books by your child’s favorite author, or in their favorite genre, or get recommendations from booklists or other parents, but however you discover the perfect book for their perfect day, make sure to get them one. Every child should have a small library of their own favorite books to escape in, even if they don’t think so yet themselves. As an educator, I've learned that few things affect a child's literacy more than their literary environment at home.
(7) Celebrate birthday week! It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate—at most a dollar a day. But find something small you can do every day to build up the excitement and to let your child (or husband!) know that you remember them well in advance of their actual birthday. Give them full control of the menu that week. Leave a note at the foot of their beds so they wake up to loving words. Send them a letter in the mail with a clue about some of their presents. Exempt them from chores for the week. Whatever you do, make it their week.
(8) Always take pictures. Chances are good that a few years down the line, you’ll have so many birthdays under your belt that they will all bleed into one another. So take pictures and scrapbook them within the month for your child’s scrapbook to keep those memories alive.
(9) Make thank-you cards together. Teach your children how to show appreciation early by making and sending out thank-you cards to family, friends, and others who somehow contributed to their special day.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
The Mom Book
I've decided to start a new book, which I am entitling "The Mom Book." My thoughts lately have been turned to motherhood, particularly in the form of memories of my mom when I was little. There are so few memories with her in them. We never got along. We were too much alike, and too independent, to have the other involved. And there were too many secrets we were both afraid of exposing...her son that she had to give away, my deepest fears about myself. But she was a wonderful mother. The older I get, the more I realize how blessed I was to have the mother I had, to have the memories and the growing pains and the experiences I've had, and I've learned that motherhood, like any part of life, is a combination of learning from the past and living in the present. I'm sure the future is mixed in there somewhere, but I choose to ignore it. I dream enough as it is. :)
So here is the introduction to my lifetime journal/novel, The Mom Book. I will probably be posting several of my thoughts over the years at random on this blog wall, and many more thoughts will be recorded in due time on the wonderful technology I'm cradling in my lap. My brainchild is my only child at present. But we all have so many more stories and wisdoms and dreams to share than any of us have time to tell of, so if the stories and dreams and wisdoms seem random and disconnected at times, understand that it is because I am trying to catch with my bare hands a few grains of sand in a strong undercurrent that has carved the shape of an entire lifetime. Understand, too, that this book is really written just for me. Your mom book will be just as different as we are.
INTRODUCTION
What on earth is a mom book? Well, think back to your own mother. All those years of kindness, sacrifice, love, exasperation, wishing, tears, play, and work—and how many times did she throw her hands up in the air and exclaim how she wished that even just one of you came with an instruction manual? Well, this is for your mom, and her mom, and every mother that has ever lived. But most importantly, it is for you. It is the instruction manual to end all instruction manuals, complete with personal anecdotes, quotations, goal-setting, brilliant ideas, and of course flops, foibles, and mistakes of so many moms of yesteryear. It is the roadmap to motherhood as the Wonder Woman that you already are, and the slap-in-the-face or the chill-pill that you so desperately need when you demand perfection now, now, now! It is a gentle, and sometimes not-so-gentle, reminder that life is made up of big and small moments that only come around once in a lifetime. But if you do it right, once is enough.
So here is the introduction to my lifetime journal/novel, The Mom Book. I will probably be posting several of my thoughts over the years at random on this blog wall, and many more thoughts will be recorded in due time on the wonderful technology I'm cradling in my lap. My brainchild is my only child at present. But we all have so many more stories and wisdoms and dreams to share than any of us have time to tell of, so if the stories and dreams and wisdoms seem random and disconnected at times, understand that it is because I am trying to catch with my bare hands a few grains of sand in a strong undercurrent that has carved the shape of an entire lifetime. Understand, too, that this book is really written just for me. Your mom book will be just as different as we are.
INTRODUCTION
What on earth is a mom book? Well, think back to your own mother. All those years of kindness, sacrifice, love, exasperation, wishing, tears, play, and work—and how many times did she throw her hands up in the air and exclaim how she wished that even just one of you came with an instruction manual? Well, this is for your mom, and her mom, and every mother that has ever lived. But most importantly, it is for you. It is the instruction manual to end all instruction manuals, complete with personal anecdotes, quotations, goal-setting, brilliant ideas, and of course flops, foibles, and mistakes of so many moms of yesteryear. It is the roadmap to motherhood as the Wonder Woman that you already are, and the slap-in-the-face or the chill-pill that you so desperately need when you demand perfection now, now, now! It is a gentle, and sometimes not-so-gentle, reminder that life is made up of big and small moments that only come around once in a lifetime. But if you do it right, once is enough.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Writing Club 3/11/09--If Walls Could Talk
It’s a dark and stormy night, and the Darland sisters have just returned from a WalMart Run for pudding, chips and salsa, and other wonderful yummy goodnesses. Celeste has bought yet another picture frame, not really knowing yet what she will put inside, but she decides to put it up anyway. In the aftermath of a particularly bad (and oh-so-good) thunder clash, the Darland girls suddenly get the eerie feeling that they are not alone, that even the walls have eyes and ears…
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “Ow!”
CELESTE: “Did you say something, Charissa?”
CHARISSA: “No, I thought you said ‘ow’ because you hit your thumb with that hammer.”
CELESTE: “No, I just hammered. Strange.”
CHARISSA: “Maybe that flash of lightning hit something outside, and it cried out…in…pain…”
CELESTE: “Yeah…okay…” (Shrugs shoulders and continues hammering.)
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “OW! STOP THAT!”
CELESTE: (Jumps back from the wall.) “Umm…Charissa?”
CHARISSA: (Joining Celeste) “No, that was definitely NOT me.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “Of course it wasn’t you. It was me.”
CELESTE: “And you are…”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “Don’t you recognize me? We’ve known each other for so very long.”
CELESTE: “Um….exactly how long?”
CHARISSA: (Whispering) “I think that voice is coming from behind that wall.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “I AM the wall!”
CHARISSA & CELESTE: “What? Wait, what?”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “I said, I AM the wall!”
CELESTE: “You’re on the ball?”
CHARISSA: “You jam the mall?”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “No, no, no, I AM the wall! W-A-L-L. Wall.”
CELESTE: “Well, wall, this is awkward.”
CHARISSA: “And uncomfortable.”
CELESTE: “That’s repetitive.”
CHARISSA: “And redundant.”
CELESTE: “That’s repetitive.”
CHARISSA: “And redundant.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “STOP it already! I am the WALL, and I want you to stop poking holes in my side! It hurts and makes me feel icky inside.”1
CELESTE: (Putting down the hammer) “Oh, well, I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t know.”
CHARISSA: “We’ve never talked to a wall before.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “That’s a lie.”
CHARISSA: “Excuse me?”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “That’s a lie. You’ve talked to walls before.”
CELESTE: “Ha! You talk to walls?”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “No, you do.”
CELESTE: “SHHHHH! You don’t know anything…”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “Oh, yes, I do. In fact, I know everything.”
CHARISSA: “Walls don’t have brains, how do they know anything?”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “Lots of people don’t have any brains, either, but they still claim to know stuff.”
CELESTE: “But they do have brains.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “But not really.”
CHARISSA: “And those people don’t know anything. So why are you comparing yourself to them?”
CELESTE: “Your analogy is breaking down fast, Mr. Wall.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “Nevermind that. Anyway, I do know everything, at least everything that goes on on my insides. And why do you assume I’m a male?”
CELESTE: “You sound like a male.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “Maybe I have a cold.”
CHARISSA: “It IS a little chilly in here.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “No, I said I HAVE a cold, not that I AM cold.”
CELESTE: “You don’t have a body, so how can you get sick?”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “Lots of people don’t have a body, but they still claim to get sick.”
CELESTE & CHARISSA: (Pause.) “That makes no sense.”
CHARISSA: “I think we got a weird wall.”
CELESTE: “I think you’re right, little sister.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “No, no! I’m not weird. I’m just…a little square.”
CHARISSA: “Now you’re making jokes like my dad.”
SETH: (from far, far away) “YOU CAN NEVER REPLACE MY FATHER!”
CELESTE: “Wow. That was weird.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “You are all a little off. But highly entertaining. But very frustrating.”
CHARISSA: “YOU ARE A MORE OF A ONE!”
CELESTE: (To Charissa) “I’m going to keep hammering. This wall isn’t worth talking to.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “Ow!”
CELESTE: “Did you say something, Charissa?”
CHARISSA: “No, I thought you said ‘ow’ because you hit your thumb with that hammer.”
CELESTE: “No, I just hammered. Strange.”
CHARISSA: “Maybe that flash of lightning hit something outside, and it cried out…in…pain…”
CELESTE: “Yeah…okay…” (Shrugs shoulders and continues hammering.)
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “OW! STOP THAT!”
CELESTE: (Jumps back from the wall.) “Umm…Charissa?”
CHARISSA: (Joining Celeste) “No, that was definitely NOT me.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “Of course it wasn’t you. It was me.”
CELESTE: “And you are…”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “Don’t you recognize me? We’ve known each other for so very long.”
CELESTE: “Um….exactly how long?”
CHARISSA: (Whispering) “I think that voice is coming from behind that wall.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “I AM the wall!”
CHARISSA & CELESTE: “What? Wait, what?”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “I said, I AM the wall!”
CELESTE: “You’re on the ball?”
CHARISSA: “You jam the mall?”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “No, no, no, I AM the wall! W-A-L-L. Wall.”
CELESTE: “Well, wall, this is awkward.”
CHARISSA: “And uncomfortable.”
CELESTE: “That’s repetitive.”
CHARISSA: “And redundant.”
CELESTE: “That’s repetitive.”
CHARISSA: “And redundant.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “STOP it already! I am the WALL, and I want you to stop poking holes in my side! It hurts and makes me feel icky inside.”1
CELESTE: (Putting down the hammer) “Oh, well, I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t know.”
CHARISSA: “We’ve never talked to a wall before.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “That’s a lie.”
CHARISSA: “Excuse me?”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “That’s a lie. You’ve talked to walls before.”
CELESTE: “Ha! You talk to walls?”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “No, you do.”
CELESTE: “SHHHHH! You don’t know anything…”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “Oh, yes, I do. In fact, I know everything.”
CHARISSA: “Walls don’t have brains, how do they know anything?”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “Lots of people don’t have any brains, either, but they still claim to know stuff.”
CELESTE: “But they do have brains.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “But not really.”
CHARISSA: “And those people don’t know anything. So why are you comparing yourself to them?”
CELESTE: “Your analogy is breaking down fast, Mr. Wall.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “Nevermind that. Anyway, I do know everything, at least everything that goes on on my insides. And why do you assume I’m a male?”
CELESTE: “You sound like a male.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “Maybe I have a cold.”
CHARISSA: “It IS a little chilly in here.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “No, I said I HAVE a cold, not that I AM cold.”
CELESTE: “You don’t have a body, so how can you get sick?”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “Lots of people don’t have a body, but they still claim to get sick.”
CELESTE & CHARISSA: (Pause.) “That makes no sense.”
CHARISSA: “I think we got a weird wall.”
CELESTE: “I think you’re right, little sister.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “No, no! I’m not weird. I’m just…a little square.”
CHARISSA: “Now you’re making jokes like my dad.”
SETH: (from far, far away) “YOU CAN NEVER REPLACE MY FATHER!”
CELESTE: “Wow. That was weird.”
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: “You are all a little off. But highly entertaining. But very frustrating.”
CHARISSA: “YOU ARE A MORE OF A ONE!”
CELESTE: (To Charissa) “I’m going to keep hammering. This wall isn’t worth talking to.”
Sunday, March 1, 2009
75 Days!
75 days until my wedding! AAAHHHH! I'm excited and terrified, because there is SO MUCH to do still and I'm trying not to be a stress case...
Yesterday was pure bliss. I did nothing. Not a thing, all morning or afternoon, but watch reruns of my favorite TV shows and play games and not think about school or homework or wedding plans or church responsibilities or anything at all. Then, in the evening, Paul and I went over to my parents' house to get a few wedding things in order, but this was the stuff that they were handling mostly so my input was just opinions. Paul got to play with the kids and the puppies and I got some much-needed assistance in preparing for the temple (which is only 17 days away!). It was SO NICE to just breathe again and remember that everything I'm doing has a point, and a goal, and that even though they are important things that I do have to put 100% of myself into, they are the means to an end. The end I want involves so much more than all of this.
I totally love my husband-to-be, he is my very best friend in the whole entire universe and the coolest cat around, he will do anything for me and anything with me and I love the person that he is! And in 75 days he will be all mine for all time! :) How did I get so lucky?
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Anxiously Engaged...
All fat jokes aside, this is how I feel sometimes. :) Except it's more like the ball rolls out from under my feet and my face plants into the sand...I realized yet again yesterday how awful I am at balancing my life. I realize that, with the exception of maybe a few extremely amazing individuals, most people are not quite balanced in this world and that finding that state of mind is a lifetime pursuit. However, how will I learn unless I admit my own shortcomings? Balance is even trickier because what is "enough" for one person in one realm of life is "too much" for another...we need more of the things we are weak in, which is ironic because those weaknesses are usually the things we struggle and shy away from.
With wedding planning, I wanted to make sure that Paul and I paid for the bulk of the expenses and that we got what we wanted, not putting anyone out (because, frankly, that's how some people make it seem). I have since then learned how many people feel left out of our "big day" and want something to do. It is a struggle, finding something for everyone to do that doesn't take away from the "fun" of it for either them or me, and finding that something for a dozen other individuals, too.
And yet, if I just do it all myself, not only will that sadden some people but it will drive me crazy! Wedding plans are getting away from us quickly and the closer it comes to May 15th and May 22nd the more stressed out and the more poor both Paul and I become. And being engaged is only the beginning!
So I am forced to take things one day at a time and hope that whether we have lots of food and music at a semi-fancy reception or we live in a cardboard box, the Lord will take care of us and the big goal of getting married in the temple will be accomplished either way.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Pop Art :)
I'm not quite sure why I wanted to put this picture up today, or why I chose that particular title. I feel whimsical in a fatigued way. I want to play with toys. I miss playing with tinkertoys and legos, polly pockets and flash cards. I don't get to play with them anymore, not because I'm too old but because I'm too BUSY! I don't know when that will change...maybe never...
I feel reminiscent. I want to watch Saturday morning cartoons with a big bowl full of Lucky Charms and a wooden spoon. I want to have to chance to be bored. I want to be so full of energy that I never want a nap!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Mini-rant, 'cause I'm irked.
I woke up this morning and Bruce Atticus (my computer) wasn't connecting to the internet because he doesn't like me anymore. Once Paul came over, of course, he started to behave.
Six weeks ago, I got my ears pierced. I cleaned them regularly and anxiously awaited the day when I wouldn't have to sleep in my studs, because they made my ears so dang tender. Yesterday, for Valentine's day, I took out the studs and put in these other pretty earrings that matched my engagement ring. Then, when I had to sleep, I took them out. And this morning my ears had two pea-sized balls of tissue and who knows what else in them, and I can't get any earrings through them without drawing blood and pus. Gross, I know. I'm not too happy about it myself.
Boo on 89 days!
Six weeks ago, I got my ears pierced. I cleaned them regularly and anxiously awaited the day when I wouldn't have to sleep in my studs, because they made my ears so dang tender. Yesterday, for Valentine's day, I took out the studs and put in these other pretty earrings that matched my engagement ring. Then, when I had to sleep, I took them out. And this morning my ears had two pea-sized balls of tissue and who knows what else in them, and I can't get any earrings through them without drawing blood and pus. Gross, I know. I'm not too happy about it myself.
Boo on 89 days!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Love Poem of the Day :) "Give All to Love"
Give all to love; Obey thy heart; Friends, kindred, days, Estate, good-fame, Plans, credit and the Muse, Nothing refuse.
'T is a brave master; Let it have scope: Follow it utterly, Hope beyond hope: High and more high It dives into noon, With wing unspent, Untold intent; But it is a god, Knows its own path And the outlets of the sky.
It was never for the mean; It requireth courage stout. Souls above doubt, Valor unbending, It will reward, They shall return More than they were, And ever ascending.
Leave all for love; Yet, hear me, yet, One word more thy heart behoved, One pulse more of firm endeavor, Keep thee to-day, To-morrow, forever, Free as an Arab Of thy beloved.
Cling with life to the maid; But when the surprise, First vague shadow of surmise Flits across her bosom young, Of a joy apart from thee, Free be she, fancy-free; Nor thou detain her vesture's hem, Nor the palest rose she flung From her summer diadem.
Though thou loved her as thyself, As a self of purer clay, Though her parting dims the day, Stealing grace from all alive; Heartily know, When half-gods go, the gods arrive.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Wedding Dress!
I got my wedding dress in the mail yesterday, and it is BEAUTIFUL!!! I'm so so so stoked. Is it May yet? :)
Sunday, February 1, 2009
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