Postcards to the Universe

Dear Pinterest Users:
PLEASE STOP PINNING DESSERTS!
Seriously.
Thanks.
Love, ME.

Dear Schools:
PLEASE HIRE ME. 
I'm awesome and you need me!
Thanks.
Love, ME.

Dear Rain:
PLEASE COME BACK.
And feel free to stay a while.
Thanks.
Love, ME.

Dear Puppies:
If you are going to eat the foam cushion out of the couch or my stuffed animals again, DON'T EXPECT ME TO CLEAN UP THE VOMIT!  Clean it yourself, you animals.
Thanks.
Love, ME.

Dear Body:
I HATE YOU. 
How 'bout you work...NOW?
Thanks.
Love, ME.

Dear Passport:
I promise, I WILL USE YOU SOMEDAY!!!
Be patient with me.
Thanks.
Love, ME.

Dear Friends:
STOP MOVING/LIVING SO FAR AWAY!
It gets lonely here in West Lafayette. 
Thanks.
Love, ME.

Dear Self:
Watching "Stargate" is NOT PRODUCTIVE. 
Remember that novel you were going to write this summer?  How 'bout you get that started.
Thanks.
Love, ME.

Dear Crafting World:
You talented crazies inspire me and make me feel disappointed in myself all at the same time.
Thanks.
Love, ME.

Dear Babyfood Jars Sitting on my Countertop:
What to do with you?
Please tell me.
Thanks.
Love, ME.

Dear Closet:
Can't you just reorganize yourself? 
I have no motivation, nor any idea where to begin.
Thanks.
Love, ME.

Dear GoodWill:
You're welcome for all the clothes, but they didn't even come from me. 
I'm just the errand girl.
Thanks.
Love, ME.

Dear Family:
I love you.  Why can't we be friends? 
(Or, more accurately, why can't YOU all just get along?)
Thanks.
Love, ME.

Dear Universe:
You may be winning the battle,
BUT I WILL WIN THE WAR!
BWAHAHAHA!
Love, ME.

Dear God:
HELP!
Thanks.
Love, ME.