WHITES WILL VOTE FOR MCCAIN

(Disclaimer: This post is a satyrical response to news articles and stories I've seen entitled "Latinos will vote for Obama" and "What Will the Black Women of Lafayette Vote?" and "Why Didn't More Women Vote for Hillary?")

There's no doubt about it--with Hillary off the democratic ticket, women are now at a loss as to who will gain their vote. With no one sharing their double-X's, shouting "Solidarity, Sister!" and making women a target of shovenistic photos and comments across the country, thereby gaining the support of women who have faced similar bouts of discrimination in their personal lives, well, clearly they are incapable of now choosing a candidate based on merit and common interests and ideas about where they want to see this country go. (For but one example of this discrimination, scroll down to the photo at the end.) With men at the forefront of the election yet again, voters are hungry for a president that looks just like them. It looks like this presidential race of the 21st century will come down to just that--race.

And Whites will vote for McCain, with all other minorities voting for Obama.

Shout hoorays, ye minority women, for you no longer have to think about who you're going to support in the race. No more cameras will be pushed in your faces and asking you about your vote, because the question is no longer raised. It is obvious that while you may have been torn between Obama and Clinton in the beginning, for both reflect different aspects of your identity, your vote has now been all but decided for you.

Sing huzzahs, ye Latinos, for although your beloved Clinton is out of the race, heaven knows none of you could agree with McCain--I mean, c'mon, he's WHITE. Obviously he could never have your best interests at heart and you could never vote for anyone who hasn't walked a mile in your oppressed shoes.

Rejoice, ye Whites, for although by all projections of the government you will by the year 2050 be a minority in this country, perhaps your White Man will relieve you of the threat now, change the rush of the tide while he has a chance. No one has asked you yet who you are going to vote for in this historic election, because, frankly, no one cares. Everyone already knows--if you're not Black, why would you vote for Obama? And if you're not a woman, Hillary couldn't possibly be a serious thought in your mind. No one bothers to do studies about how you will vote, because you white men have been voting for hundreds of years and you've always voted for White men--why question the obvious?

No, the issues do not matter. The platforms of both parties are so similar in nearly every respect, with only a few key points that have sharpened into a heated debate (the results of which will influence the daily lives of millions of Americans--especially the too-often-neglected poor--and the relations we have with other nations in this global economy), and who needs to listen to all those words? Ideas? Please. Clearly, an educated votership is beyond any expectations for you. Don't worry about it, dear voter. Look in the mirror. Then pick the candidate with the same skin as you. We all know that's all you can see in this election, anyway, and all that we can talk about...you may as well be public about it.

Celeste Darland is a freelance writer and an avid Obama supporter, and the views and opinions of this article in no way reflect the views of Blogspot.com or any of its affiliates. No animals were harmed in the making of this article, except that I did eat meat for breakfast as I wrote this...sorry, Charissa.